Doctor Proctor's Fart Powder Read Online Free

Nilly. “Go ahead. Take it.”
    Nilly filled the spoon and swallowed a mouthful.
    â€œWell?” the professor asked.
    â€œJust a minute,” Nilly mumbled with his mouth full of powder. “It sure is dry.”
    â€œTry this,” the professor said, holding out a bottle.
    Nilly put the bottle to his lips and washed the powder down.
    â€œWhoa, that’s good,” Nilly said, looking in vain for a label on the bottle. “What is this?”
    â€œDoctor Proctor’s pear soda,” the professor said. “Mostly water and sugar with a little dash of wormwood, elephant snail slime, and carbonation…. Is something wrong?”
    The professor looked worriedly at Nilly, who had suddenly started coughing violently.
    â€œNo, no,” said Nilly, his eyes tearing up. “It’s just that I didn’t think elephant snails really existed …”
    Bang!
    Nilly looked up, frightened. The bang wasn’t as loud as the first one that made him deaf for a minute,but this time Nilly had felt a strong tug on the seat of his pants and the cellar door had blown open.
    â€œOh no!” Doctor Proctor said, hiding his face in his hands.
    â€œWhat was that?” Nilly asked.
    â€œYou farrrrrrted!” the professor yelled.
    â€œThat was a fart?” Nilly whispered. “If it was, that’s the loudest fart I’ve ever heard.”
    â€œIt must be the pear soda,” the professor said. “I should have known the mixture could be explosive.”
    Nilly started filling the spoon with more powder, but Doctor Proctor stopped him.
    â€œI’m sorry, this isn’t appropriate for children,” he said.
    â€œSure it is,” Nilly said. “All kids like to fart.”
    â€œThat’s absurd,” Doctor Proctor said. “Farts smell bad.”
    â€œBut these farts don’t smell,” Nilly said.
    The professor sniffed loudly. “Mmm,” he said. “Interesting, they don’t smell.”
    â€œDo you know what this invention could be used for?” Nilly asked.
    â€œNo,” Doctor Proctor said, which was the truth. “Do you?”
    â€œYes,” Nilly said triumphantly. He crossed his arms and looked up at Doctor Proctor. “I do.”
    And that was the beginning of what would become Doctor Proctor’s Fart Powder.
    But now Nilly’s mother was standing on the steps, yelling that he had to hurry because this was his first day at his new school. And that’s what the next chapter is about.

The New Boy in Mrs. Strobe’s Class
    THE BIRDS WERE chirping and the sun was shining outside the classroom, but inside it was dead quiet. Mrs. Strobe nudged her glasses down her unbelievably long nose and peered at the new boy.
    â€œSo, you’re Nilly, then?” she said in a slow, raspy voice.
    â€œYup, what of it?” Nilly responded.
    A few people laughed, but when Mrs. Strobe did her signature move, slapping her hand against her desk, it got dead quiet again in an instant.
    â€œCould you please stand up straight, Nilly,” her voice rasped. “I can hardly see you sitting there behind your desk.”
    â€œI’m sorry, Mrs. Strobe,” Nilly said. “But I
am
sitting up straight. The problem, as you can see, is that I’m tiny.”
    Now the other students were laughing even louder.
    â€œSilence!” Mrs. Strobe fumed. She nudged her glasses even farther down her nose, which she could safely do because there was still plenty of nose left to go. “Since you’re new, why don’t you please tell us all a little bit about yourself, Mr. Nilly?”
    Nilly looked around. “New?” he said. “I’m not new. If you ask me, you guys are the ones who are new. Apart from Lisa, that is. I’ve met her already.”
    Everyone turned around to look at Lisa, who mostly wanted to sink down onto the floor.
    â€œBesides, I’m ten years old,” Nilly said.