Dreams of a Robot Dancing Bee Read Online Free

Charlie? The library has been good to you? And Julie?”
    â€œJulie’s gone back to law school for the third time. I don’t think she’s suited for it, but nonetheless, that’s what she’s doing. And the board of directors hired a new head librarian who thinks I’m some kind of marginal eccentric who’s mainly obsessed with the esoteric, and therefore put limits on my freedom.”
    â€œThe Soul in a jar.”
    â€œYes, that is it.”
    â€œWhat are we to do?”
    It was almost dusk outside. Either I called home and lied about working late, or I gave myself over to Valerie for a few more hours, which, by now, clearly was the deepest lie bifurcated by the deepest truth I could hope to achieve in this life. For the next few minutes I was stalled in that ultimate, luxurious resting zone where everything was true and nothing was true. It’s a terribly seductive island, very remote, and populated exclusively by transient beings, dancing, feasting, copulating, but only briefly, and then disappearing, to reappear, most likely, behind some counter of a cheap jewelry shop in a suburban mall, where one is permitted to live on forever.

THE INVISIBLE TWINS
    B efore he met Mary, Dan Jacobson’s greatest achievements in life were in the areas of alcohol consumption and the seduction of young coeds. He was a genial, if slothful, man in his late thirties, who had never married or owned a car or a credit card. He just hadn’t gotten around to these conventions of our culture. And some of this is what made him attractive to these coeds at the Junior College, I suppose. Dan had a lot of male friends, too, drinking buddies. Even in these health-conscious times, a hard-drinking crew. We didn’t really trust non-drinkers; it was just a prejudice instilled into us by our love of recklessness, bravado, laughter and low tragedy. It’s hard to say.
    But then Dan met Mary and everything changed, at least with him. “What can I fix you?” I asked as usual.
    â€œPerrier,” he said.
    â€œWhat do you mean, Perrier? I don’t stock Perrier, pal. This isn’t a sushi bar.”
    â€œMary’s convinced me to give up the booze. She’s incredible, man. I’m in love, and I tell you I feel a lot better, too. I’ve been working-out, lifting weights and doing aerobics, I feel great.”
    It’s a phase, I thought to myself. Dan always was impressionable. When he was going with that model, Jennifer, he had started wearing these thirty-dollar silk ties and his buddies had a few laughs behind his back. Now this.
    â€œShe’s very successful, you know. She’s pulling down eighty big ones a year.”
    â€œWhat the hell does she do?”
    â€œShe’s a Herbalife saleswoman. She travels all over the country and gives those lectures on Herbalife and sells the product to prospective new salespeople. Eighty thousand a year, can you believe it?
    â€œFrankly, pal, I haven’t a clue what Herbalife is . But I’m sure it’s not good for you. Probably kills all the important bacteria in our systems and replaces them with radioactive moss. I don’t like the sound of it at all, and she isn’t selling any of that stuff to me.”
    Dan did chuckle, for old time’s sake, but I could tell my derision tweaked his new-found loyalty a bit. It was meant to.
    â€œWell, John, say what you like, this is it for me. I’m in love for real this time and we’re getting married.”
    I nearly fell over. “But you just met her. Why the hurry, slow down, pal.”
    â€œWe want to have a baby, do it right, you know what I mean?”
    â€œMarriage? A baby? You’re going too fast for me. How long have you known her?”
    â€œTwo weeks, but I feel like I’ve known her my whole life. Everything else has been a warm-up for this one. We’ve already set the date, a month from now. We picked out a house yesterday. You