Priceless Inspirations Read Online Free
have said about it, when I was moving from house to house and relative to relative. I would have turned it back on them and said that those people didn’t want me. But that was my younger self. The older, wiser Toya knows that at least some of the time, it was partly my own fault.
I moved from one house to the next because I was furious that I had parents, but that they weren’t there for me. I moved from house to house because in most of those homes, my relatives had rules about chores, curfews, and homework, and I didn’t want any part of that. I moved from house to house because I wanted to be free, just like my brothers, Walter and Josh.
My brothers were free. When I visited my mom’s house, I saw how they lived. They did what they wanted, when they wanted. My mother didn’t interfere with them. They were their own parents. As a pre-teen, and then later as a teenager, that freedom looked good to me compared to living with Nat and Kris and their family. Nat was like his father, my Uncle Frank. He was strict about the house rules. He wanted me to come straight home from school. He thought the age of 12 was too young for a boyfriend. He made me do my homework and he held me accountable for chores around the house.
I hated it, and sometimes, I hated him.
What I know now, and what you should know if you’re young and feeling like people don’t understand you and you just want to escape from all the rules and chores and drama, is that sometimes, people who really love you make you do things you don’t want to do. They tell you things you don’t want to hear. They make decisions that seem unfair.
I couldn’t see this when I was in middle school, and you might not see it in your situation. Instead, I saw my brothers and my friends doing what they wanted. Uncle Nat seemed too strict. It felt like he was holding me back and holding me down.
I saw friends who lived with their families and had parents who wanted them. Their parents let them do whatever they wanted to. Since I didn’t live with my parents, and since sometimes I felt unwanted by the people I stayed with and other times like burden to them, I felt like I shouldn’t have to listen to the things those people wanted me to.
“You ain’t my mama.”
Like that. You know what I mean?
I don’t know if I ever said that, but that’s how I felt. I felt like I didn’t have to listen to anybody . I was so angry, I couldn’t listen to anybody.
Like the old saying goes “a hard head makes for a soft ass.” My younger self didn’t believe that one either, and had to learn the hard way, and I did. Searching for a home and a family in relationships with boys led me to sex before I was completely ready. I ended up pregnant at the age of 14, and things haven’t been the same for me since. Being young and not having a family or a home is hard, but being young and pregnant without a family or a home is even harder.
Maybe your home life isn’t what you wish it was. Maybe you look around you and it seems like everyone else has it good, has a perfect family, and has love and warmth and safety, while you’ve got nothing.
You feel alone. Maybe, like me, you feel angry.
Maybe, like me, you’re throwing that anger everywhere, except at the person or people you’re really angry at.
Maybe, like me, what you really need is a place to let your heart show, like I did in the pages of my journal. It was the only place I dared express just how hurt I was.
Maybe, like me, you need to know that you can’t find “home” in buildings or other people. The first step to making a real home is making peace with yourself.
Toya’s Priceless Gem: Home isn’t a building or even other people. Home is the love in your own heart and nowhere else. It doesn’t matter what drama is going on around you. Keep the faith and someday soon, you can create for yourself a home that matches the love and peace you hold in your heart .
BOYS TO MEN
Girls and young women who see my
I moved from one house to the next because I was furious that I had parents, but that they weren’t there for me. I moved from house to house because in most of those homes, my relatives had rules about chores, curfews, and homework, and I didn’t want any part of that. I moved from house to house because I wanted to be free, just like my brothers, Walter and Josh.
My brothers were free. When I visited my mom’s house, I saw how they lived. They did what they wanted, when they wanted. My mother didn’t interfere with them. They were their own parents. As a pre-teen, and then later as a teenager, that freedom looked good to me compared to living with Nat and Kris and their family. Nat was like his father, my Uncle Frank. He was strict about the house rules. He wanted me to come straight home from school. He thought the age of 12 was too young for a boyfriend. He made me do my homework and he held me accountable for chores around the house.
I hated it, and sometimes, I hated him.
What I know now, and what you should know if you’re young and feeling like people don’t understand you and you just want to escape from all the rules and chores and drama, is that sometimes, people who really love you make you do things you don’t want to do. They tell you things you don’t want to hear. They make decisions that seem unfair.
I couldn’t see this when I was in middle school, and you might not see it in your situation. Instead, I saw my brothers and my friends doing what they wanted. Uncle Nat seemed too strict. It felt like he was holding me back and holding me down.
I saw friends who lived with their families and had parents who wanted them. Their parents let them do whatever they wanted to. Since I didn’t live with my parents, and since sometimes I felt unwanted by the people I stayed with and other times like burden to them, I felt like I shouldn’t have to listen to the things those people wanted me to.
“You ain’t my mama.”
Like that. You know what I mean?
I don’t know if I ever said that, but that’s how I felt. I felt like I didn’t have to listen to anybody . I was so angry, I couldn’t listen to anybody.
Like the old saying goes “a hard head makes for a soft ass.” My younger self didn’t believe that one either, and had to learn the hard way, and I did. Searching for a home and a family in relationships with boys led me to sex before I was completely ready. I ended up pregnant at the age of 14, and things haven’t been the same for me since. Being young and not having a family or a home is hard, but being young and pregnant without a family or a home is even harder.
Maybe your home life isn’t what you wish it was. Maybe you look around you and it seems like everyone else has it good, has a perfect family, and has love and warmth and safety, while you’ve got nothing.
You feel alone. Maybe, like me, you feel angry.
Maybe, like me, you’re throwing that anger everywhere, except at the person or people you’re really angry at.
Maybe, like me, what you really need is a place to let your heart show, like I did in the pages of my journal. It was the only place I dared express just how hurt I was.
Maybe, like me, you need to know that you can’t find “home” in buildings or other people. The first step to making a real home is making peace with yourself.
Toya’s Priceless Gem: Home isn’t a building or even other people. Home is the love in your own heart and nowhere else. It doesn’t matter what drama is going on around you. Keep the faith and someday soon, you can create for yourself a home that matches the love and peace you hold in your heart .
BOYS TO MEN
Girls and young women who see my
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