On My Knees Read Online Free

bruised ego. And really, who better to take advice from than Buddha? So while in the short term I was mortified, in the long term I think I did learn a thing or two. For example, if you are trying to have sex with someone while you are in a relationship with someone else, it’s pretty likely that something is seriously wrong with your relationship. If you’re trying to have sex with someone while you’re in a relationship with someone else, instead of focusing your attention on trying to get laid, you should focus your attention on being honest with yourself as to why you’re in that relationship to begin with.
    In those moments when I was not distracting myself, I knew in my bones that everything was far from okay. I eventually came to terms with the fact that, ultimately, it’s yourself you have to face every morning in the mirror, so you damn well better like what you see. This was becoming more and more difficult.
    When there were only weeks left to move out and find a new apartment and we hadn’t, I found myself, literally, on my knees in the bathroom, with my head in my hands, knowing that if we didn’t end it now, I was going to wake up in five years and be in the exact same place I was right then. And I would never forgive myself.
    N oam eventually did move to Brooklyn and I moved into my friend Hanna’s apartment down the block. After ten years, we had broken up for real and it was the most painful thing I had ever done. I can’t remember ever having felt more sad or empty inside. It felt like part of me was missing and there was nothing I could ever do it to get it back.

2
    Loser in Love
    I t was incredibly kind of my friend Hanna to take me in after Noam and I broke up so that I wouldn’t be homeless. Plus, Hanna is so crazy that focusing on her dysfunction was much less traumatic than dealing with my own. Hanna is awesome—funny, talented, great-looking—but she is totally out of her fucking mind. She had always been particularly neurotic and insecure, but especially when it came to men. It was a testament to what a mess my life was becoming that I was taking advice from her . We’d been friends since we were thirteen and I had always been the wild and fearless one and she had been more careful and timid. While it never even occurred to me that people might be talking about me, she was always worried about what people thought. Her neuroses were as crippling as they were charming.
    Her neuroses came as no great surprise given her history. Her parents were pretty out of it while we were growing up, so we used to go to her house and take over her basement with weeklong parties and no one ever noticed. But when her mom got mad at her, she used to scream and throw shoes at Hanna. In addition to throwing shoes at her, her mother also used to tell her on a regular basis that her girlfriends were no good, she should trust no one, and she had better find a nice, rich Jewish man to marry her. We were fifteen .
    This constant badgering turned Hanna into a nervous wreck. Despite her beauty, her talent, her charm, and her wit, she was so insecure and nervous around guys that she didn’t get laid until she got to college. And that experience was such a disaster that to this day the only way she can have an orgasm is by masturbating. She has literally never come from having sex with another person. The good news was that no matter how down I was, her stories would always cheer me up.
    I would say, “Hanna, please tell me the story about Jonathan. It’s the only thing that is going to make me feel better.”
    Hanna would answer, “Oh, God, Peri, not this again.”
    But since we were kids, she has always given in to my peer pressure and would always acquiesce. “Fine . But you better not write about it.”
    As I sat in front of her with a notebook and a pen and scribbled furiously, I said, “I won’t, I promise.”
    Hanna: “I met Jonathan in college when I was eighteen years old. He was my first real