On My Knees Read Online Free Page A

boyfriend and I was a virgin.”
    Me: “Why were you a virgin?”
    Hanna: “You know why I was a virgin! All the guys in high school were assholes and I was waiting to be in a relationship to have sex.”
    Me: “Was your first time as good as you’d hoped?”
    Hanna: “Well, no. It wasn’t exactly what I’d thought it would be.”
    Me: “Why not?”
    Hanna: “Well, we would start to hook up and he would always stop in the middle—”
    Me: “Why?”
    Hanna, glaring at me: “You know why! He had erectile dysfunction.”
    Me: “Did he tell you that?”
    Hanna: “He didn’t have to tell me. It was obvious! Plus, I knew he was on Prozac and I thought that was why he couldn’t keep it up. I thought it was the perfect situation. He was a really nice Jewish boy. But every time we were right about to have sex, he just couldn’t get it up. Until—”
    Me: “Until what?”
    Hanna: “Until we realized that there was only one way he got superexcited . . .” She trailed off.
    Me: “Hanna! Can you put your phone down and concentrate please.”
    That’s the other thing about Hanna. She has the attention span of a mouse and she is constantly distracting herself from real life by way of her phone or her computer.
    Hanna: “Okay, sorry! We figured out how he could get turned on and stay excited.”
    Me: “This is getting me excited.”
    Hanna: “It is?”
    Me: “Yes. And I’d be even more excited if you continued.”
    Hanna: “Okay. When he introduced the topic of diapers, he became ridiculously turned on and I didn’t understand why, but I was so excited by the fact that he could stay hard that I didn’t even care.”
    Me: “How does something like that get introduced into the conversation? Hey, want to fuck? Got a diaper?”
    Hanna: “I don’t think we ever actually used diapers. We just talked about them. All I had to do was describe them and he would go insane.”
    Me: “Is that true?”
    Hanna: “Yes.”
    Me: “I thought you told me you did use them.”
    Hanna: “Well, I never wore one.”
    Me: “I know you never wore one. I thought he wore one.”
    Hanna: “I really don’t remember. I don’t think so.”
    Me: “Hmmmm.”
    Hanna: “Does that make the story worse?”
    Me: “Yes. No. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. Just go on. So what would you say?”
    Hanna: “What?”
    Me: “To him.”
    Hanna: “About what?”
    Me: “What do you mean about what? Stop texting! About the fucking weather.”
    Hanna: “About the weather?”
    Me: “Oh my God, you are impossible. Concentrate. No! Not about the weather. About diapers!”
    Hanna: “Oh, right. I would have to talk about how it smelled like baby powder and it was white and soft and cushy. Or ‘I’m wearing a diaper.’ Or ‘You’re wearing a diaper.’ It was a really long time ago. I don’t really remember the details but just that all I had to do was say the word ‘diaper’ and he would just go berserk. That was more or less the only thing I could say or do for him to actually stay hard.”
    Me: “That’s wild.”
    Hanna: “No, what’s wild is that is how I lost my virginity . . . On top of someone who was balding and clinically depressed, while talking about diapers.”
    Me: “And you really didn’t think this was strange?”
    Hanna: “At first I did, but in the end I just wanted to lose my virginity so that the pressure was off the next time around.”
    The scariest part of this was that it actually made sense.
    Me: “Fair enough. Do you think this fucked you up? Do you think it’s why you can’t come when you have sex with men?”
    Hanna, stoically: “I don’t think so. I just talked about diapers. People do things that are way worse.”
    Me: “Can we call Jonathan?”
    Hanna: “No!” Pause. “I just found out he’s married.” Pause. “ And he has a baby.”
    Me: “He has a baby?”
    Hanna: “Yes. He has a baby.”
    Me: “That is highly disturbing. I can just imagine his wife telling her friends, ‘I