God Hates You, Hate Him Back: Making Sense of The Bible Read Online Free Page B
Author: C.J. Werleman
one and the sun and the planets didn’t appear until day four, according to the scripture. So where did the light come from? No sun, no light. Oops!
On day three he creates all the earth’s vegetation, the plants and the trees, but we now know God didn’t create the sun until the following day, so how can there be plant life without photosynthesis? Oops!
Now we run into our very first contradiction, and we are only on page one of the Bible mind you, as God says that on day five he created the birds and animals from nothing more than the water from the oceans, but then in the very next chapter, as he is doing a summary of these heady seven days, it is written:
“ Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the land and all the birds of the air.” (Genesis 2:19 NIV)
God stays on message for less time than President Obama without a teleprompter. I’ve met goldfish with longer short-term memories. Sorry, I’ve flushed goldfish with longer memories. But don’t tell my daughter. She thinks Goldy swam to heaven.
God Creates Man
Moving onto the sixth day of his celestial architectural program, God decides to create a human being:
“ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him.” (Genesis 1:27 NIV)
Think about this for a moment: made in his own image? If we are truly made in his own image then why aren’t we invisible? But clearly I can see you and you can see me, so I think this is another fallacy straight off the bat. And if we do look like him, which of us does he most resemble? Is he Asian? Is he black? Is he an NRA card-carrying member of the Texas branch of the Young Republicans? Or is he somewhat Tokyo metro-sexual in appearance? Does he stand naked in front of the mirror and wish he gave himself an extra inch or two, not that I do that, I’m just saying, ok! And what if he were anything like Bill O’Reilly? Because if he is anything like the white angry men on FOX News then I will violate all of the 10 Commandments right now, grab a gun, shoot myself, assuring myself a place in the sulphur fires of Hell. Ahh, peace at last!
Ok, let’s imagine that God is more like Morgan Freeman’s portrayal in God Almighty , and imagine for a moment that, bam ! man is made out of thin air in God’s own image. Right? Wrong! Well, wrong according to the next contradiction, which follows alongside the birds foul up:
“ The Lord God formed the man from the dust on the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and the man became a living being.” (Genesis 2:7 NIV)
So, which one is it? Air or dust? Admittedly, I am easily confused but now I am fully flummoxed. We have only travelled a page or two into the Bible and, already, God is contradicting himself. You would think his preamble would be the easy part! Once God has to remember names and locations after receiving all those prayer-mails and knee-mails, it’s bound to get more difficult. At the start of the second chapter, where it is said that God made man before all the plants and trees, we are in led into confusion again. This is in complete contradiction to the first chapter’s claim that wildlife was made on day three and man on day six. Here is the incriminating passage:
“ When the Lord God made the earth and the heavens – and no shrub of the field had yet appeared on the earth and no plant of the field had yet sprung up – The Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground.” (Genesis 2:4-7 NIV)
It is now at this point that we can see that religion truly was man’s first attempt to explain the natural world. An explanation constrained by the absence of crucial information to explain, what was 4,000 years ago, the inexplicable:
“ Let man rule over the fish and the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all of earth and over all creatures that move along the ground.”
This evidently demonstrates that man falsely
On day three he creates all the earth’s vegetation, the plants and the trees, but we now know God didn’t create the sun until the following day, so how can there be plant life without photosynthesis? Oops!
Now we run into our very first contradiction, and we are only on page one of the Bible mind you, as God says that on day five he created the birds and animals from nothing more than the water from the oceans, but then in the very next chapter, as he is doing a summary of these heady seven days, it is written:
“ Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the land and all the birds of the air.” (Genesis 2:19 NIV)
God stays on message for less time than President Obama without a teleprompter. I’ve met goldfish with longer short-term memories. Sorry, I’ve flushed goldfish with longer memories. But don’t tell my daughter. She thinks Goldy swam to heaven.
God Creates Man
Moving onto the sixth day of his celestial architectural program, God decides to create a human being:
“ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him.” (Genesis 1:27 NIV)
Think about this for a moment: made in his own image? If we are truly made in his own image then why aren’t we invisible? But clearly I can see you and you can see me, so I think this is another fallacy straight off the bat. And if we do look like him, which of us does he most resemble? Is he Asian? Is he black? Is he an NRA card-carrying member of the Texas branch of the Young Republicans? Or is he somewhat Tokyo metro-sexual in appearance? Does he stand naked in front of the mirror and wish he gave himself an extra inch or two, not that I do that, I’m just saying, ok! And what if he were anything like Bill O’Reilly? Because if he is anything like the white angry men on FOX News then I will violate all of the 10 Commandments right now, grab a gun, shoot myself, assuring myself a place in the sulphur fires of Hell. Ahh, peace at last!
Ok, let’s imagine that God is more like Morgan Freeman’s portrayal in God Almighty , and imagine for a moment that, bam ! man is made out of thin air in God’s own image. Right? Wrong! Well, wrong according to the next contradiction, which follows alongside the birds foul up:
“ The Lord God formed the man from the dust on the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and the man became a living being.” (Genesis 2:7 NIV)
So, which one is it? Air or dust? Admittedly, I am easily confused but now I am fully flummoxed. We have only travelled a page or two into the Bible and, already, God is contradicting himself. You would think his preamble would be the easy part! Once God has to remember names and locations after receiving all those prayer-mails and knee-mails, it’s bound to get more difficult. At the start of the second chapter, where it is said that God made man before all the plants and trees, we are in led into confusion again. This is in complete contradiction to the first chapter’s claim that wildlife was made on day three and man on day six. Here is the incriminating passage:
“ When the Lord God made the earth and the heavens – and no shrub of the field had yet appeared on the earth and no plant of the field had yet sprung up – The Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground.” (Genesis 2:4-7 NIV)
It is now at this point that we can see that religion truly was man’s first attempt to explain the natural world. An explanation constrained by the absence of crucial information to explain, what was 4,000 years ago, the inexplicable:
“ Let man rule over the fish and the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all of earth and over all creatures that move along the ground.”
This evidently demonstrates that man falsely
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