God Hates You, Hate Him Back: Making Sense of The Bible Read Online Free Page A
Author: C.J. Werleman
by the Bible’s explanation of ‘wham here it is’!
The remainder of the opening sentence of Genesis continues:
“ Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.” (Genesis 1:2 NIV)
So, the question becomes what was God doing with himself leading up to that time? Sitting idle in the formless empty darkness? How long was he sitting on his ass flicking between channels waiting for something interesting to watch? Did he create us out of sheer boredom, in between inventing the dinosaurs 350 million years ago and then man 7,000 years ago? It’s reasonable to ask what he was doing during this extraordinarily lengthy hiatus. Evidently, he was indeed content with floating around in the dark until, all of a sudden, he says to himself, “Fuck it, I want to create a planet, a heaven, some people and sit back and watch them destroy each other in my honor because Monday Night Football is still 6,000 years away.”
This Genesis explanation for the origins of our universe is based on less rationality than the Hindu belief - the universe is a cosmic egg that cycles between expansion and total collapse. Sure, evolution may not have all the answers and there are a few gaps in the evolutionary timeline that science is still figuring out the answers to, but to argue that an invisible man floating around in the cosmos just decided on a whim one day to wave his hands and bang everything familiar to our natural physical environment appeared out of literal thin air – is too far a stretch even for the most deluded individuals, many of whom are sadly confined to a life in a padded cell, and should be.
From a scientific point of view, and I am armed only with a 5 th grade scientific mind (the kids on ‘Are You Smarter Than a 5 th Grader’ routinely kick my ass), the errors, follies and fables of the Bible begin with that very first sentence of Genesis, “ In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth”. This is completely untrue and unequivocally at odds with what we know of our universe today. The truth is that in the beginning a natural event created the universe as we know it and the earth did not form until billions of years later, thus an immediate booboo on behalf of the desert nomads who wrote this. For example, the Bible says that light and darkness are created after the water but before the sun. Discovery and Discovery Channel, have proven that the sun came first, then the planet and its rotation, which gives us light and darkness and day and night, and then the water, and this all happened over millions of years.
Put into a more humorous way, there is an interesting observation included in a pocket-sized book of quotations titled The Atheist’s Bible . A quote that is not attributed to anyone, but for a citation of an anonymous author, it reads:
“ Geology shows that fossils are of different ages. Palaeontology shows a fossil sequence, the list of species representing changes through time. Taxonomy shows biological relationships among species. Evolution is the explanation that threads it all together. Creationism is the practice of squeezing your eyes shut and wailing ‘DOES NOT!’”
I find it excessively humorous that God made light out of nothing, on the second day, which means he made the heavens and the earth in the dark! Now, if creating everything we know out of nothing wasn’t a challenge enough, he did it in complete darkness. Pretty impressive, isn’t it? I can’t even write my own name in the dark, let alone create a fucking great big shark.
God Messes Up The Order
Irrefutably, the total balls up of the Genesis order of events is the smoking gun for demonstrating that God is the figure of 2000 BC man’s imagination, but in keeping with the spirit of things let’s pretend he did create all of this. Then we must ask, “How?”
God created light and darkness on day
The remainder of the opening sentence of Genesis continues:
“ Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.” (Genesis 1:2 NIV)
So, the question becomes what was God doing with himself leading up to that time? Sitting idle in the formless empty darkness? How long was he sitting on his ass flicking between channels waiting for something interesting to watch? Did he create us out of sheer boredom, in between inventing the dinosaurs 350 million years ago and then man 7,000 years ago? It’s reasonable to ask what he was doing during this extraordinarily lengthy hiatus. Evidently, he was indeed content with floating around in the dark until, all of a sudden, he says to himself, “Fuck it, I want to create a planet, a heaven, some people and sit back and watch them destroy each other in my honor because Monday Night Football is still 6,000 years away.”
This Genesis explanation for the origins of our universe is based on less rationality than the Hindu belief - the universe is a cosmic egg that cycles between expansion and total collapse. Sure, evolution may not have all the answers and there are a few gaps in the evolutionary timeline that science is still figuring out the answers to, but to argue that an invisible man floating around in the cosmos just decided on a whim one day to wave his hands and bang everything familiar to our natural physical environment appeared out of literal thin air – is too far a stretch even for the most deluded individuals, many of whom are sadly confined to a life in a padded cell, and should be.
From a scientific point of view, and I am armed only with a 5 th grade scientific mind (the kids on ‘Are You Smarter Than a 5 th Grader’ routinely kick my ass), the errors, follies and fables of the Bible begin with that very first sentence of Genesis, “ In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth”. This is completely untrue and unequivocally at odds with what we know of our universe today. The truth is that in the beginning a natural event created the universe as we know it and the earth did not form until billions of years later, thus an immediate booboo on behalf of the desert nomads who wrote this. For example, the Bible says that light and darkness are created after the water but before the sun. Discovery and Discovery Channel, have proven that the sun came first, then the planet and its rotation, which gives us light and darkness and day and night, and then the water, and this all happened over millions of years.
Put into a more humorous way, there is an interesting observation included in a pocket-sized book of quotations titled The Atheist’s Bible . A quote that is not attributed to anyone, but for a citation of an anonymous author, it reads:
“ Geology shows that fossils are of different ages. Palaeontology shows a fossil sequence, the list of species representing changes through time. Taxonomy shows biological relationships among species. Evolution is the explanation that threads it all together. Creationism is the practice of squeezing your eyes shut and wailing ‘DOES NOT!’”
I find it excessively humorous that God made light out of nothing, on the second day, which means he made the heavens and the earth in the dark! Now, if creating everything we know out of nothing wasn’t a challenge enough, he did it in complete darkness. Pretty impressive, isn’t it? I can’t even write my own name in the dark, let alone create a fucking great big shark.
God Messes Up The Order
Irrefutably, the total balls up of the Genesis order of events is the smoking gun for demonstrating that God is the figure of 2000 BC man’s imagination, but in keeping with the spirit of things let’s pretend he did create all of this. Then we must ask, “How?”
God created light and darkness on day
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