The Year We Turned Forty Read Online Free Page B

been peeled back, exposing the girl she used to be. She felt young and alive.
    But that feeling vanished as quickly as it came. As she lay onthe bed in Peter’s arms, her jeans still bunched around one of her ankles, Jessie wiped a tear from her eye.
    â€œThis was a mistake,” she’d whispered. Guilt was already fogging her perspective, and what had felt fantastic just moments ago now felt dirty and wrong. It was like a spotlight had just been switched on, a neon sign pointing out the obvious: she’d fucked up. “I need to go home,” Jessie said as she frantically put herself back together, Peter watching her silently.
    On the drive back, Jessie started making promises to herself. She’d be a better wife to Grant, a better mom to the girls. She’d become an active participant in her life again. Maybe she’d even confess to Grant. She’d read somewhere that telling your spouse you’d been unfaithful only alleviates your guilt, but can hurt them irreparably. And she didn’t want to cause Grant any pain. Jessie made a pact with herself. She’d turn her marriage around. Starting the second she left that filthy hotel.
    â€¢Â Â â€¢Â Â â€¢
    â€œBye, Mom!” Lucas said, the front door slamming behind him.
    â€œBye, honey!” she called after him as he dribbled the soccer ball in the front yard.
    â€œSo what’s up?” Jessie asked after the door closed, watching Grant shift his weight from the balls of his feet to his heels. Grant’s face had always revealed his emotions, as if they were being painted on with brushstrokes. He knitted his brows and looked at his feet. “Janet and I are getting married.”
    Six words.
    In just six words, Jessie felt her world collapse all over again.

CHAPTER THREE
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    Gabriela pushed her large sunglasses on top of her head as she approached the TSA agent, holding her driver’s license in one hand and her carry-on in the other. She averted her eyes from the adorable little girl pulling a bright pink Disney princess suitcase in front of her, focusing on the date on her boarding pass instead.
    Almost ten years ago to the day, Gabriela had rushed home from the hospital, her mind sharp and her body energized even though she’d been up twenty-four hours, Lucas’ birth injecting new life into her. Something had happened when she’d nestled a swaddled Lucas against her chest for the first time and touched his nose lightly with her fingertip. She’d been hit hard by a thought, one that hadn’t occurred to her when Jessie had the girls or when Claire gave birth to Emily twelve years ago. She realized that having a baby wouldn’t be her biological choice for much longer. Soon, her body would be making that call.
    As Gabriela rocked Lucas, twenty-one inches and seven and a half pounds, with a shock of dark brown hair sticking upfrom the top of his head, she smiled at an exhausted but radiant Jessie. Jessie had given birth when she was almost forty, so that meant Gabriela could too. But she didn’t know how much longer she’d be able to carry a child inside of her. Her body could stop releasing eggs at any time and she could enter menopause. There was something about motherhood no longer being up to her that made her realize that in the back of her mind she’d held on to the small chance of it still happening. And it’s what caused her to race home and burst through her front door where she found Colin resting comfortably on the white leather couch she’d already decided they’d have to replace with something sensible, like chenille or micro-suede or whatever stain-proof fabric parents were buying these days. He was holding the most recent issue of People , the one that had given her latest novel, Back to You , four stars. “Quite a birthday present,” Colin said, pointing at the feature and smiling.
    â€œYes. But I have even bigger news,” Gabriela