The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution: Gentle Ways to Make Good-bye Easy from Six Months to Six Years Read Online Free Page A

or
    even wish it away, as it is the most obvious and identifi able sign of
    your child’s love for and trust in you. It is the grand indicator that
    your child believes that you represent the ultimate in safety, protec-
    tion, and security above anyone or anything else in this world.
    Key Point
    In your child’s eyes, you are a superhero.
    The Reason for Separation Anxiety
    It makes perfect sense that children experience separation anxiety
    when pulled away from their main caregiver, in ways even beyond
    the primary love emotion. Human beings are wired to respond to
    fear, perceived danger, or stress with a fi ght-or-fl ight reaction. This basic response is obviously unachievable for babies and young children who do not have the physical or mental ability to fl ee or defend
    All About Separation Anxiety in Early Childhood 3
    themselves. They must rely on trusted adults to protect them from
    dangers of all kinds. Therefore, “fi ght or fl ight” is replaced with an
    intense need to keep Mommy, Daddy, or Main Caregiver close by to
    provide protection. This instinctual pull demonstrates a child’s per-
    ception that his parents are his safeguard against possible threats to
    his safety, both physical and emotional. The more stress or worry
    a child feels, the closer he wishes to stay to his parents. This need
    becomes obvious when a child is placed in a stranger’s arms, when he
    must confront a new situation, or when he is tired or ill.
    As a child matures, he learns more about the world and how it
    works. When he has had multiple experiences of happy partings, safe
    separations, and subsequent joyful reunions, he eventually realizes
    that he can relinquish the safe anchor of Mom or Dad and venture
    farther away without risking a dangerous or troublesome situation.
    This maturity is not something that you can rush or teach. It must
    develop over time and with age and experience.
    Professional-Speak
    “You don’t really understand human nature unless you know
    why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents
    every time around—and why his parents will always wave
    back.”
    —William D. Tammeus, Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist
    What Causes Separation Anxiety?
    Separation anxiety does not have a precise “cause.” It is a perfectly
    normal and important developmental adaptation of a child’s emo-
    tional and mental growth. Nothing you have done has “made” your
    child develop separation anxiety, and nothing you could do would
    have prevented it in its entirety.
    Even though separation anxiety has not been caused by any par-
    ticular event, certain caregiver actions can either heighten or reduce
    a child’s normal anxiety. Many things can help build your child’s
    4
    The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution
    Professional-Speak
    “Surprisingly, the majority of separation-related fears emerge
    without a specifi c triggering event. Keep in mind that nothing
    bad has to actually happen to a child and/or her family to set
    off separation anxiety.”
    —Andrew R. Eisen, Ph.D., and Linda B. Engler, Ph.D., Helping
    Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety or School Refusal
    growing trust in his world and his confi dence in his relationship with
    you, so that he can transfer these feelings to other adults who will
    then help him feel safe when he is away from home base.
    Nearly all children experience some aspect of separation anxiety
    at some point in their lives. For some, the stage begins early, at just
    a few months of age. For others, the effects begin later in life, even
    after a history free from this problem. Some children have anxiety
    that lasts for a short blink and disappears quickly and easily, while
    others have longer spells that seem to build to a peak and then fade
    away, only to reappear again. Some children give very visible, intense,
    or obvious indicators of their feelings, but others’ reactions are less
    apparent. There is no exact pattern, although there are typical signs
    and symptoms at