to a loving relative. Babies sit on the fl oor outside a
bathroom door while anxious mothers try to take very quick show-
ers. Children cry beside babysitters as parents go off to work, suffer
through the feelings of missing a parent who is deployed or away on a
business trip, and adjust to their parents’ divorce (which means they
must always leave someone behind). In addition, children must often
leave their parents behind as they go off: children who must stay alone
at the hospital, go away to camp, or, in the case of divorce, leave one
parent’s home to stay at the other’s. And then there are those nightly
battles that occur the world over as parents try to convince anxious
children to sleep alone all night in their very own beds and in their
very own bedrooms.
This is the book I wish I’d had from the beginning of my parent-
ing career for all the times my four children suffered from separation
anxiety, as well as to help me with my separation anxiety as I dealt
with my own feelings at each of my children’s milestones. I am very
happy to be able to present these many gentle, effective No-Cry sepa-
ration anxiety solutions to you, so that you and your child can part
ways with a good-bye, a happy wave, and a smile.
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1
All About Separation Anxiety in
Early Childhood
Separation anxiety: A child’s apprehension or fear
associated with his or her separation from a parent or
other signifi cant person.
—Stedman’s Medical Dictionary
The origin of separation anxiety is love, so handling it should be
done with care and respect. The problems presented by separa-
tion anxiety are complex. They can interfere with daily life and cre-
ate a cloud over the joy of early childhood, bringing many tears from
children and much frustration for parents and caregivers. Separation
anxiety is a complicated emotion, so it requires knowledge and skill
to correctly interpret and adequately solve it.
When we fi rst hold our new babies, we don’t know them, but we
love them. They don’t know us, but instinct tells them we are signifi -
cant. Every action and every word from that fi rst moment of meeting
brings us closer together. Over time, our bond grows, and our love
matures. We become important to each other. This bond becomes
human glue, and the longer it stays together, the more permanent
the hold. We parents work hard to create such an attachment in our
early relationship with our children, and we feel an unparalleled joy
when we are rewarded with evidence of this bond—a toothless smile
just for us, a running leap into our waiting arms, a spontaneous hug,
a sunshiny giggle at a private joke. These are the rewards of a well-
nourished relationship.
Our children, in their trusting innocence, drink in this special
relationship as an integral part of their world. Our presence becomes
1
2
The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution
a regular part of life, as normal as breathing air. Our existence comes
to represent normalcy and safety and tells our children that all is well
in their world.
But what happens when this safety net is removed? What happens
when a parent walks away from a child, leaving him in the hands of
someone less familiar? The child suffers a sense of unease, loss, and
worry, and he desperately attempts to hold on to the person he feels
delivers his peace of mind. The result is a common scene at any day-
care, playground, family gathering, or birthday party: a crying child
clinging tightly to a parent who is desperately trying to convince that
child to let go and join the fun.
Almost all children have some aspect of separation anxiety during
the fi rst six years of life. It’s a very normal and predictable response to
the threatened removal of the most important thing in your child’s
life: you.
Figuring out how to handle your child’s separation anxiety can
cause you confusion and frustration. Yet you should not fear it