The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution: Gentle Ways to Make Good-bye Easy from Six Months to Six Years Read Online Free Page B

various ages.
    The development of separation anxiety indicates that your child is
    developing intellectually. She has learned that she can have an effect
    on her world when she makes her needs known, and she doesn’t have
    to passively accept a situation that makes her nervous or uncomfort-
    able. She doesn’t know enough about the world yet to understand
    that when you leave her you’ll always come back or that other adults
    are capable of meeting all her needs, as you do. She does realize that
    she is safest, happiest, and best cared for with you, so her reluctance
    to part from you makes perfect sense—especially when viewed from
    a survival standpoint. Put another way, you are her source of nour-
    ishment, both physical and emotional; therefore, her attachment to
    you is her means of survival, and when she reaches a certain level of
    intellectual maturity, she realizes this.
    This stage, like so many others in childhood, will pass. In time,
    your child will learn that she can separate from you, that you will All About Separation Anxiety in Early Childhood 5
    return, and that everything will be okay between those two points in
    time.
    What Determines a Child’s Level of
    Separation Anxiety?
    Even though most children show signs of separation anxiety at some
    point in their lives, you cannot predict how or when yours will dem-
    onstrate it. The timing and intensity of any individual child’s signs
    and symptoms vary, depending on a number of factors, including the
    following:
    • The consistent availability of a secondary caregiver with
    whom the child has a familiar relationship and a loving bond
    • The familiarity of the location and situation in which you
    leave her
    • The number and quality of previous separation experiences
    • Cultural norms (what is typically done in the society in which
    she lives)
    • Family routines (what is normal for her primary home and
    extended family)
    • The child’s temperament and personality
    • The parent’s personality and parenting style
    What Is Stranger Anxiety?
    Stranger anxiety is a form of separation anxiety that directly relates
    to people rather than places or actions. It is based in the same emo-
    tions that surround separation anxiety—the fact that a child’s main
    caregivers represent safety and security, and unfamiliar people repre-
    sent fear of the unknown. The anxiety is caused by the child’s inabil-
    ity to predict what the stranger is about: What will this person do or
    say? What is this person’s place in my world? Will this person take me
    away from my mother, father, or familiar caregiver? Can this person take
    care of me? Will this person endanger me or keep me safe?
    Your infant may be outgoing and smile at everyone who talks
    to her. A few months pass, and suddenly she has a drastic change
    6
    The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution
    in reaction to new people. She’ll cling to you and cry if a stranger
    even so much as says hello! What happened to your confi dent baby?
    She’s reached an important milestone in human development. She
    is demonstrating that you’ve done a great job taking care of her.
    The stranger anxiety your baby is experiencing is a testimony to the
    strength of her attachment to you.
    At What Age Does Stranger Anxiety Normally Appear?
    Attachment and bonding, the two components of stranger and sepa-
    ration anxiety, begin to develop right from birth. A newborn enters
    the world with no understanding of the people in it. During months
    two through six, your baby learns general rules about people. In most
    cases, those rules demonstrate that people respond to his needs with
    those things he requires to survive and thrive. Between months fi ve
    and nine, sometimes earlier, a baby begins to clearly differentiate
    between people. She begins to identify familiar people, and all the
    rest become— strangers . Babies respond differently to this revelation,
    some displaying curiosity, some expressing caution, and some