The Language Inside Read Online Free Page B

shore
    unlocked our bicycles
    and rode back to her house
    to eat our last two-family meal together—
    for how long?
I knew we all wondered

     
    at this school in Massachusetts
    I listen to clips of conversations
    move from class to class
    biology to art to English to Chinese
    wondering who of these 1,200 students I should talk to
    and how I can begin conversations
    or try to make friends
    with my filling
    so different from theirs
    I don’t know when to say what
    I don’t know if something’s funny or not
    I don’t get sarcasm
    layered over sarcasm
    and jokes made by
    unjoking faces
    I know how to read silence in Japan
    I can read the air in Japan
    but I don’t have a clue
    how to read the air here

     

by Wednesday I’m so glad
    to get on a bus to the Newall Center
    grateful to go someplace different
    from school and YiaYia’s house
    on the bridge over the river
    I check the No Stopping sign
    in case of blindness—
    but auras never seem to happen
    when you’re ready

     
    Sam is there
    by the entrance
    just like last week
    and he stares at me
    checking, it seems
    to see if I’m okay
    it’s nice
    to be able to see all of him
    this time
    where to?
I say
    and he smiles, leads me inside
    where we sign in at the main desk
    go down a corridor
    up an elevator onto a ward
    to a nurses’ station

     
    this is the new volunteer
    Emma . . . 
    Sam says and looks at me
    Karas
    I say
    then spell it
    I hand in my doctor’s report
    results of my TB test
    permission slip from my mother
    and receive an ID card
    to hang around my neck
    soon we’re following a woman named Lin
    who says she’s the rec director
    who helps the poet who runs the writing program
    the poet who comes from the university
    for a workshop once a month
    the workshop that patients
                   participate in
    that we, too, are encouraged
                   to participate in
    if we can

     
    Lin says she also runs the music and art programs
    even some dance because
    that’s what a rec director does
    she makes a joke about the wrecks she directs
    and she and Sam are laughing
    but it takes me a while to catch on
    she and Sam chat
    as we walk through the ward
    he says something about a Mr. Sock
    and I swear she then asks about Mr. Shoe
    and then they go on about a Mr. Pen
    and Mr. Pencil
    and it’s like they’re speaking
    another language
    even though the words
    are English

     
    all the while I’m looking around the ward
    checking to see if I’ll be able to handle this
                   tubes and needles stress me
                   I have to lie down
                   when I get shots
    but so far
    as I follow Sam and Lin
    down corridors
    peeking into rooms
    I’m not seeing people hooked up
    to lots of tubes
    finally we stop at room 427
    and Sam steps inside ahead of Lin
    and puts his hands together to greet two men
                   one in a bed
                   one in a chair
    and this time
    I know it’s not English
    that I’m not understanding
    and I look at the names on the wall—
                   Leap Sok
                   and Chea Pen

     
    Sam Nang’s patient, Leap Sok
    Lin says gesturing
    and that’s Chea Pen
    who sometimes joins in
    and now Pen sounds like Pine
    Sam Nang works with them
    in Khmer and English
    she adds
    then she turns
    to lead me away
    from the men
    from Sam
    wait!
    I say

     
    and Sam looks at me
    and Lin looks at me
    the two men look at me
    and I feel my face
    heat up
    can I talk to you?
I say
    looking straight at Sam
    ask you some questions?
    at the end, I mean?
    and Sam nods
    sure, I’ll come by Zena’s room at 5:00
    Zena’s room?
I say
    your patient
he says
    and Lin leads me
    away from Sam
    and we are off

     

we go down another hall
    and Lin is