The Language Inside Read Online Free

The Language Inside
Book: The Language Inside Read Online Free
Author: Holly Thompson
Pages:
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saying—
                   my mother, cancer, moving to America
    he said
itsuka kokutte ageyo ka na

                   one day I might tell you I love you
    and I pulled away
    and stared at him
    what?
    maybe, in the future
    he said, and smiled
    like I’d be grateful
    and I said
    why are you saying that?
    why now?
    did you hear a word I told you?
    baka!
—jerk!
    and I smacked him
    on the back of his head

     
    then I started to cry
    I hadn’t meant to hit him
    he said he was sorry
    and held his head down
    and I shook my head, said
    it’s not you
    I put his arm back around me
    and leaned into him
    but he looked away
    toward the pinking sky
    finally I licked my fingers
    washed the track of blood
    from my leg and we walked
    back to my house not talking

     
    just before we got there
    I told him again I was sorry
    in the future if you tell me you love me
    I promise not to hit you
    we both tried to smile
    he said
don’t forget me
    and I promised I wouldn’t
    then we nodded
    and finger-waved
    good-bye

     

I have to wait a whole week
    till my next Wednesday visit
    at the Newall Center for Long Term Care
    I look for Sam Nang at my new school
    big as a college campus
    with over 1,200 students
    so many classes and different levels
    and kids tall and loud
    but in the crowds I never see him
    and I realize I don’t even know
    which grade he’s in

     
    I hardly know anyone at this school
    just some kids in my classes
    and the Model UN team—
    since I missed tryouts
    for soccer and volleyball
                   and just my luck
                   both my sports
                   here in Massachusetts
                   are fall sports
    I’m trying dance club
    even though they dance at pep rallies
    and halftime shows
    and so far this fall
    I’m not so full of pep
    but Tracy, the captain
    seems glad to have me
    says I have awesome flexibility
    says
good, good, that’s it
    as I try following
    their routines

     
    after classes most days I go home
    on the school bus
    missing Japan’s fast trains
    freedom
    at YiaYia’s
    I listen to the same old songs
    play with the new cell phone
    that Toby and I now share
    do homework on Mom’s laptop
    research Venezuela for Model UN
                   Chavez and petroleum
                   health care and politics
    but soon I’m reading
    news of Tohoku
    and updates from friends in Japan
    making comments on posts hours old
    feeling time-warped and remote
    I friend the few people I’ve met here
    search for Sam Nang
    but I don’t find any Sam Nangs
    who look at all like Sam Nang

     
    when Mom returns
    from New York
    she manages and directs us
                   the way to slice the sandwiches
                   which dressing for the salad
                   the proper way to dry the plates
                   what homework to do first
                   how to fold our laundry
    and we all turn quiet
    just following orders
    till she gets it out of her system
    YiaYia takes me aside
    tells me not to talk back
    just let her be
she says
    she needs to feel in charge
    obliging, Toby and I move furniture into
    and out of our grandmother’s den
    to make a bedroom on the first floor
    where Mom will soon recover

     
    I want to talk with Madoka
    but she’s only online
    when I’m home weekends
    during her late evening
    which is my late morning
    Madoka’s mother insists we write letters
    and since it’s through Madoka and her mother
    that my Japanese is what it is
                   native level with no accent
    once a week I handwrite
    a proper letter
                   starting with a seasonal
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