The Grace In Darkness Read Online Free

spray of water as it coated my body in goose bumps. It felt so good; I could have stayed there until the water no longer offered its comfort.
    I welcomed Makayla ’ s company because she helped keep my mind occupied.
    Not that it worked a hundred percent. He was always there, somewhere in the back of my mind, consuming me and pulling me under. I tried to focus as much as I could on school and dancing until I had no energy to think about anything else. And on good days, I could get through them without thinking about Ryland every minute, but he was always there.
    His voice taunted me during the day. At least once every day I would think I heard him calling my name through the halls. It was a cruel joke when I was surrounded by shadows. He lived in my dreams, and most nights I couldn ’ t wait to close my eyes so he ’ d be there. My body ached for his touch, and more than once, I felt the phantom caress of his fingers over my skin.
    I ’ d lost count of the nights I ’ d awoken gasping for one more breath and my body trembling, reaching for him, only to remember he wasn ’ t really there. The pain was soul crushing and I ’ d end up crying until I thought I ’ d never stop. And I knew I was never going be okay again.
    I knew I asked for this. New surroundings, new people, a new life... but moving on was impossible when my heart wasn ’ t on my side, and I was starting to wonder if you truly loved someone, can you ever really move on?
    The water was no longer scorching my skin, and I knew it was time to get out. Finishing up, I was quick to get dressed and turn up the heat in my small apartment. I actually didn ’ t mind the size at all. I liked that it was similar to what I was used to.
    I washed my morning dishes and snacked on crackers while I waited for Mak to come back.
    I had a nice routine going, and I was proving to myself that living on my own wasn ’ t only something I could do on my own, it was something I could do well. I needed to prove to Ryland, or I felt like I ’ d needed to prove to him that I could do this. My reasons felt valid, but now I was wondering if maybe... maybe I needed him more.
     
     

     
     
    “ Sure, you break in when I ’ m not here, but when I am, you knock? ” I yelled through the closed door.
    I pulled the door open, expecting Mak to come sweeping in, but that didn ’ t happen. I could see their shadow so I knew someone was there, but I was having second thoughts about opening my door without making sure who was there.
    “ You normally have people breaking and entering? ”
    I sighed, instantly feeling better. “ Only Mak. She doesn ’ t believe in locks or the law. ”
    Pierced laughed. “ That doesn ’ t surprise me. Well, I come bearing gifts. ” I must have made a face because he laughed again. “ I ’ m guessing Mak didn ’ t tell you... ”
    “ Tell me what? ”
    “ I guess I ’ m crashing your party. She invited me to come hang out. I hope you don ’ t mind. ”
    I smiled. “ I don ’ t mind. I just hope you don ’ t get bored. We ’ re putting up my very first Christmas tree since four years ago. ”
    “ Sounds like fun. ”
    I like that he didn ’ t make me awkwardly explain why I hadn ’ t had one in so long.
    “ We got Chinese. ”
    And that ’ s all it took for everything to come crashing down around me. One stupid word, and the memory of that night was a pressure building in my chest until I couldn ’ t breathe. I stood there feeling hot and cold, like my body was being ripped in two.
    “ Nothing lasts forever, Ryland.”
    “ Damn it, let me be your nothing, Araya.”
    No! The word echoed inside my head and my ears rang at the sound of my protest. I couldn ’ t keep reliving that night over and over. I knew it by heart now, and it was a nightmare that replayed over and over and it broke me every time. I didn ’ t want to move on from Ryland, but I knew this wasn ’ t helping me either. I felt like I was destined to float through limbo