Short Back and Sides Read Online Free Page A

manned space flight, in a bar in town an old man was served his pint by a foreigner. ‘Where’d you get him from?’ the oul’ lad asked the head barman. ‘Oh, he’s from India.’ The oul’ lad sat quiet for a moment, then out of the blue he shouts out to the Indian: ‘Hey, did you know one of your lads is in a rocket on the way to the moon just now?’
    It brought the house down.
Waiter, there’s a ring in my soup
    15 May 2009
    A waiter who worked in town told me this story while I cut his hair one day:
    A young man, who intended to impress his girlfriend and propose to her, brought her to a very fancy restaurant in town. They were shown to their table, and herself was very impressed with the grandeur of the place. The waiter poured the wine as they decided what to order.
    They went with the soup to start, and the waiter had been asked earlier to put a diamond ring into the girl’s soup. The soup was served, and the young man was trying to keep a straight face at the thought of his true love finding a ring at the bottom of the bowl. But after taking a spoonful she suddenly had a terrifying look in her eyes and began to gasp, grabbing her throat and banging the table with her other hand. ‘Oh my God,’ said her boyfriend. ‘She’s choking.’
    The waiter, quickly realising what had happened, ran to the table and grabbed the damsel in distress— who was now standing up—and began to administer the Heimlich manoeuvre in front of the shocked diners. Indeed, she had swallowed the ring, and it had lodged in her throat; but the waiter was able to dislodge it. She was mortified and in tears. Not in form for sitting through a meal, the two left the restaurant.
    I wonder if they ever got married in the end.
Trim his eyebrows
    16 May 2009
    A woman comes into the shop . . .
    Woman: My husband is on his way in, and I want you to trim his eyebrows. They’re terribly long. Don’t tell him, just cut them, and please don’t tell him I was in here asking, or he’ll be embarrassed.
    Barber: Okay, don’t worry. We can do that.
    Woman: Oh, thanks.
    And she left. Over the next few minutes, about three customers came in and sat down.
    Customer: (whose hair I was cutting): You’ll just have to cut everyone’s eyebrows now!
    Barber: Can you imagine? They’ll all be saying to themselves, ‘I’m never going back there again. They cut my eyebrows without even asking!’
Brendan Behan’s cat trick
    17 May 2009
    I was cutting a painter’s hair one day when he told me that Brendan Behan had been a painter also. He told me this story:
    Customer: Behan was painting a sitting-room in a large house in Dublin. The room had a beautiful and expensive Persian rug that almost covered the entire floor. Well, Behan had been drinking the previous night and didn’t feel too good, but he set up his ladder and began to paint. He was on the ladder with the pot of paint on the top step when he accidentally knocked over the pot, and it fell to the floor onto the rug, and the paint spilled out. The rug was destroyed! He knew he was in trouble now, as he heard someone approaching after hearing the noise of the pot hitting the floor. Suddenly he saw a cat, and he grabbed it and rolled it in the spill and let it go. It ran out the door, leaving a trail of paw marks in paint as it went. At the same moment there was a slight yelp from a maid who’d heard the noise. The cat had startled her, and, as she walked in and saw the mess, her jaw dropped. Behan shouted, ‘That damn cat knocked my paint over.’ Behan, thanks to his quick thinking, had passed the blame on, and the owner of the house even bought him a new pair of overalls.

    Barber: That’s a great story.
    Customer: Yeah, for one man he was some man!
Tinfoil highlights
    18 May 2009
    Customer: Would you not cut women’s hair?
    Barber: Why do you say that?
    Customer: Sure there