Short Back and Sides Read Online Free Page B

must be a fortune to be made in that game. Huh? The wife went to a place in town, one of those big places, to get the foil and a cut.
    Barber: The foil?
    Customer: Ah, yeah. You know the foil they put on the hair with the colour in it?
    Barber: Oh, yeah, tinfoil highlights—very expensive.
    Customer: Expensive? I nearly passed away when she told me how much they were, and then she says the cut was extra on top of that. Jaysus, are they mad or what? The neighbour asked the missus the other day if she’d had a bad fright. She was looking funny at the wife for a minute, like there was something different about her, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. ‘Are you okay, Mary?’ says she. ‘You look like you had a scare.’ ‘No,’ says the wife. ‘God, do you know,’ says the neighbour, realising what it was, ‘it’s your hair, Mary—it’s turned grey!’ You’d want to have seen her face!
Oestrogen in the water!
    19 May 2009
    I was talking to a customer one day about the new haircuts that teenagers wear and how feminine they seemed, and he began to tell me about a documentary he’d seen on television.
    Customer: I saw a programme on TV about oestrogen in the water, and it’s affecting the fish. In some of the big cities you see they recycle the water over and over for drinking. Although they can get rid of almost every pollutant and bacteria, they haven’t been able to get rid of the oestrogen. So it’s been affecting the fish, and they’re changing sex!
    Barber: I did hear about beef that’s been injected with growth hormones—men can grow breasts if they eat a lot of it.
    Customer: That’s exactly it. Well, I was at a wedding recently, and I went outside for a cigarette. And what did I see: the women were all over on one side smoking, and on the other side the men were all holding the babies, and straight away, you know—right then and there I thought of the fish!
There’s always one
    20 May 2009
    There was a lad who every now and again would pop his head in the door to tell us he was going next door for his prescription. Next door is an off-licence. He’d pass on the way back, waving a brown paper bag in the air for us to see. ‘I got my prescription. I’ll be feeling better tomorrow.’ Sometimes he’d just shout in the odds the bookies were giving that day on anything from the chance of snow to the US presidential election. One day, when he’d just given us an update on the economy (in his own very original way), and had gone on about his business, the customer in my chair announced, ‘There’s one in every village!’
    Everyone burst out laughing!
Microwave-seal test
    21 May 2009
    Customer: Do you know how to test a microwave oven to make sure the seals are working?
    Barber: No, how?
    Customer: You put a mobile phone in the oven and close the door. Don’t turn the microwave on, though. Then you ring the phone in the oven, and if it rings then it’s receiving a microwave signal from outside, and you know the seals are leaking!
Sacred cheese
    22 May 2009
    A lad from a local deli with a great sense of humour told me they had a new range of cheese in stock from Jerusalem. ‘From Jerusalem?’ I asked. ‘Yeah, Cheeses of Nazareth!’
Jaws
    23 May 2009
    I was talking to a pensioner one day about films. We discussed James Bond for a while, and he mentioned all his favourites.
    Customer: Sean Connery was the man—a real ladies’ man. There was a big lad in some of the films—he had metal teeth, and he was much taller than Bond. He’d have been in the Roger Moore films. What was his name? I can’t remember . . .
    I could see him trying hard to recall the name, and I knew who he was talking about, so I told him.
    Barber: It was Jaws.
    Customer: Ah, no, no, that was a different film. That was about a fish.
Cobblers
    25 May 2009
    Customer: Do you cut your