Short Back and Sides Read Online Free

The only difference from day to day is that some of the lanes are closed or divided temporarily using traffic cones. Anyway, I was cutting someone’s hair the other day, and he explained the mystery . . .
    Customer (a little annoyed): I was stuck on the car park again. I left work ages ago.
    Barber: The car park?
    Customer: The M50!
    Barber: Very good! What’s going on? I never see anyone working there.
    Customer: It’s the cutbacks. I heard there’s only one lad working on it now.
    Barber: Only one? You’re joking. What does he do?
    Customer: He works nights, rearranging the traffic cones!
Diverted funds
    9 May 2009
    I heard this many years ago. I was working close to the street where it happened, and many customers in the shop that week were talking about it.
    In College Green, Dublin, there’s a bank with a night safe outside, and this is where local businesses would lodge the day’s takings. But one particular week it was out of order, and a big notice displaying that message hung in an official-looking way from the safe. It also instructed those who wished to lodge money to ‘use the mobile safe in the van at the side of the road.’ And many did, lodging the money and walking away. I heard this happened for three nights, although I can’t say for sure.
    Then, when someone checked their account, the money wasn’t there. They called the bank and explained that they had followed all the instructions and had used the temporary safe in the van. ‘What temporary safe?’ was the shocking reply! Of course, there was nothing wrong with the real night-lodgement safe, and, alas, a lot of people were very skilfully conned.
    A lot of money was stolen. The van pulled up outside when the bank closed in the evening, and the ‘Out of order’ sign was hung on the real night-lodgement safe. Then all that had to be done was to wait until the lodgements were made and drive away with the haul! I always thought it was probably the cleverest robbery I’ve ever heard about.
If I found a cure for baldness
    10 May 2009
    Customer: Whoever comes up with a cure for it will be a wealthy man. You wouldn’t have to worry about money again if you found a cure for baldness.
    Barber: Ah, I don’t think they’ll ever find a lotion that’ll grow hair on a boiled egg.
    Customer: And, if they did, sure you wouldn’t want to get a drop of it on your hands, or you’d be like a werewolf!
    Barber: Or, even worse, on her carpet!
Compulsive gambler
    11 May 2009
    A customer told me this while he was getting his hair cut. Everyone heard what he was saying, and as I looked round the shop everyone was smiling and holding back the laughter.
    Customer: A friend of mine who buys lotto tickets all the time spends quite a lot of money every week. He has a bad habit, and he can’t stop. He’s always in the bookies, and he’s always on the poker machines in town. The lads would tell you he has a problem. Sure he can’t walk past a parking meter without putting money in it!
Murphy’s Law
    12 May 2009
    Customer: I’m almost convinced there’s a plausible argument to make Murphy’s Law a proper, bona fide law of physics.
    Barber: The ‘what can go wrong will go wrong’ law?
    Customer: That’s the one. You know, everybody’s aware of it. I’ve seen children quote Murphy’s Law when a piece of toast falls on the floor buttered-side down.
    Barber: It’s universal, all right. You should get someone to write it as an equation or formula that you could present to the science boffins.
    Customer: Now that’s not a bad idea.
    Barber: If you get the Nobel Prize be sure to mention me!
Thinking big
    13 May 2009
    Customer: Did you see the lotto is worth six million tonight?
    Barber: No, I didn’t. Six million! Sure if I won that I could open my own barber shop!
First Indian manned space flight
    14 May 2009
    On the day of the first Indian