Mrs. Lizzy Is Dizzy! Read Online Free Page B

Michael. “That’s what I would have done.”
    “I don’t know how to yodel or make armpit farts!” said Mrs. Sanford.
    “Too bad,” said Neil. “If you had learned that stuff as a kid, none of this would have happened.”
    “Are you blaming me for getting kidnapped?” asked Mrs. Sanford. “Untie me right now! I will never teach at this school again.”
    “You haven’t taught here yet ,” Mrs. Jafee told her. “We’ll untie you in a minute.”
    “I checked up on Mrs. Lizzy,” said Officer Spence. “She’s wanted in thirty states. She goes from school to school pretendingto be a teacher. But she never got a teaching certificate. She’s a phony.”
    “Oh, snap!” said Ryan.
    “I just assumed she was one of our teachers,” said Mr. Klutz. “I mean, she showed up every day with crazy hair, crazy clothes, a crazy hat, and crazy shoes.”
    “That’s because she’s crazy !” Officer Spence yelled. “And she picked the perfect week to come to our school. Nobody noticed how crazy she was because it was Crazy Week.”
    Wow! I always thought there were a lot of crazy teachers in our school, but this is the first time one was really crazy. And we got to see it live and in person.
    “Good work, Officer Spence!” said Mr. Klutz.
    “Just doing my duty, sir.”
    We all giggled because Officer Spence said “duty.” I think he should get the No Bell Prize for figuring out that Mrs. Lizzy wasn’t a real teacher.
    “Take her away, boys,” Officer Spence said.
    “I want to teach! I want to teach!” Mrs. Lizzy shouted as they dragged her away. “The children must learn how to yodel. Get your hands off my worms!”
    “Don’t worry, Mrs. Lizzy,” Mrs. Jafee said. “We’ll get you the help that you need, you betcha.”
    “I say they should lock her up and throw away the key,” said Officer Spence.
    “Why would they do that?” I told him. “Then they won’t be able to unlock the lock.”
    “That’s the idea , Arlo!” Andrea said, rolling her eyes.
    “They could make a new key,” I told Andrea.
    “You shouldn’t throw away keys,” said Emily. “Keys can be recycled.”
    We watched as the guys with sunglasses put Mrs. Lizzy and her worms into a patrol car. She was yelling something about balloon animals.

9
Every Week Is Crazy Week
    I thought that would be the end of Crazy Week. But something even crazier happened the next Monday.
    We were at recess swinging on the swings when you’ll never guess in a million hundred years who showed up on the playground.
    No, it wasn’t Mrs. Lizzy.
    I told you that you wouldn’t be able to guess. So nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you.
    Just for that, I’m not gonna tell you who it was.
    Okay, okay, I’ll tell you.
    It was Pootie the goat!
    There we were, minding our own business, when out of nowhere Pootie wandered over! It was the most amazing thing in the history of the world!
    “Naaaaaaayyyyy,” said Pootie the goat.
    “What’s that goat doing here?” asked Ryan.
    “She must have escaped from Rent-A-Goat,” I said.

    Pootie the goat was making weird noises.
    “I think something’s wrong with Pootie,” Andrea said.
    “Maybe she’s sick,” said Emily.
    “Maybe she just needs to be milked,” said Neil the nude kid.
    “Well, I’m not milking her,” Andrea said.
    “I’m not milking her,” said Ryan.
    “I’m not milking her,” said Michael.
    Nobody wanted to milk Pootie the goat.
    “I say Arlo should milk her,” said Andrea.
    “Why?” I asked. “I milked her last time.”
    “That’s exactly why you should milk her this time, Arlo,” Andrea said. “You know how to milk a goat. We don’t know what to do.”
    “Milk the goat! Milk the goat!” everybody started chanting.
    I was faced with the hardest decision of my life. If I milked Pootie, everybodywould make fun of me for sure. And if I didn’t milk Pootie, well, I was afraid that she might explode and there would be milky pieces of goat all over the place.
    I didn’t know what