Mrs. Lizzy Is Dizzy! Read Online Free

some of the notes she used the backs of her knees. It was cool. Then Mrs. Lizzy said she had to go but told us to keep practicing our armpit farts if we wanted to get really good at it.
    “We will!” we promised. We started practicing right away.

    Emily and Andrea said it was gross. They went off to go play on the slide. That’s when I got the greatest idea in the history of the world.
    “Hey, any time you want girls to go away,” I told the guys, “all you have to do is make armpit farts!”
    “You’re right!” Ryan said. “As soon as we started making armpit farts, they left!”
    “A.J., you’re a genius!” Michael told me.
    “No wonder you’re in the gifted and talented program,” said Neil the nude kid.
    I should get the No Bell Prize for figuring out how to get rid of annoying girls. That’s a prize they give to people who don’t have bells.

8
Crazy-Everything Day
    Friday was Crazy-Everything Day. I wore a bucket on my head and bounced to school on a pogo stick. Ryan wrapped himself in toilet paper. Michael attached bike horns all over his clothes and beeped them when he moved. Neil wore flip-flops and a hockey mask, and he carried a flyswatterin one hand and a banana in the other.
    This had to be the craziest day in the history of the world!
    Mr. Granite spent the whole morning trying to teach us stuff, but it was useless. Nobody could pay attention. Finally it was lunchtime and we got to go to the vomitorium.
    The guys and me sat at one table, and Andrea and her girly friends sat at the next one. We tried making armpit farts to get rid of them, but they wouldn’t leave.

    Michael was eating a Lunchable. Ryan had soup in a thermos. I was eating a jelly and peanut butter sandwich. I used to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, butmy mom said I couldn’t have the same lunch every single day, so I told her to make me a jelly and peanut butter sandwich instead. *
    “I wonder what Mrs. Lizzy is gonna teach us today,” Michael said.
    “Something weird, that’s for sure,” said Ryan.
    “That lady has way too much time on her hands,” said Neil the nude kid.
    “Maybe Mrs. Lizzy isn’t our recess enrichment teacher at all,” I told the guys. “Did you ever think of that?”
    “What do you mean, A.J.?” asked Michael.
    “Well, maybe she kidnapped our real recess enrichment teacher and has her tied up in a secret room in the basement of the school. Stuff like that happens all the time, you know.”
    “You say that about everybody , Arlo,” said Andrea at the next table.
    “I do not.”
    “Do too.”
    We went back and forth like that for a while. But nobody wanted to hang around the vomitorium. We rushed through our lunch so we could see Mrs. Lizzy on the playground.
    She looked crazier than ever ! She had a spaghetti strainer on her head and a Ping-Pong paddle hanging from her neck, andshe was carrying a big box.

    “Hi Mrs. Lizzy!” we all yelled. “What’s in the box?”
    “Worms!” Mrs. Lizzy exclaimed as she opened the box to show us.
    “Worms?!” we all yelled.
    “Ew, disgusting!” said Emily.
    “Are we going fishing today?” asked Andrea.
    “No, we’re going worm composting!” Mrs. Lizzy said.
    Even Andrea didn’t know what that meant. But Mrs. Lizzy told us that you can use worms to turn food scraps into thisstuff called compost that can be added to soil to grow plants, flowers, fruits, and vegetables.
    “The worms eat your leftovers and turn it into worm poop,” Mrs. Lizzy explained. “It helps things grow.”
    “Ew, disgusting!” we all said.
    “We’re supposed to put worm poop on our vegetables and then eat them?” Ryan asked. Ryan will eat anything. One time he ate a piece of the cushion on the school bus. But I don’t think he would eat something that was grown in worm poop.
    “Yes!” Mrs. Lizzy said. “Worm poop makes a great natural fertilizer. And all you have to do…”
    She didn’t have the chance to finish her sentence because at that very