Lighter Shades of Grey Read Online Free

you picture someone actually doing them (4)
    “My scalp prickles at the idea that maybe, just maybe, he might like me…I hug myself with quiet glee, rocking from side to side.” (p33)
    WwHeyhy not try this one in public and see what happens?
    Basic anatomy fail (2)
    “Ana, you’re the one with the relationship.”
    “Relationship?” I squeak at her, my voice rising several octaves. “I barely know the guy.” (p33)
    Okay, Ana.
    The average human voice has a natural span of about an octave and a half. A trained singer can generally manage between two and three. At four octaves, Freddie Mercury’s range was so exceptional that almost no-one can sing his work the way he sang it.
    For your voice to rise “several octaves” (i.e. three or more), you would either have to have a natural speaking voice somewhere in the range of James Earl Jones, or be capable of producing a pitch somewhat beyond the range of normal human hearing.
    Things that are not dreams (2)
    “I am restless that night, tossing and turning. Dreaming of smoky grey eyes, coveralls, long legs, long fingers, and dark, dark unexplored places.” (p35)
    I especially like the introduction of “coveralls” into this bizarre still-life collection. Sort of like a collision between Grant Wood’s “American Gothic” and an abattoir after dark.
    Good hair, pants that hang from hips
    He’s wearing a white shirt, open at the collar, and grey flannel pants that hang from his hips. His unruly hair is still damp from a shower. (p36)
    Dear readers,
I refer you to the comment in Chapter One of this book, above. From here on in, Hair References will be coming thick and fast.
The other thing Ana really goes for is pants that hang from men’s hips. Mentioned once, this is not annoying. Unfortunately, this is not the last we’ll be seeing of Christian Grey’s well-hung pants.
    Social mobility fail
    [Kate] shakes [Christian's] hand firmly without batting an eyelid. I remind myself that Kate has been to the best private schools in Washington. Her family has money, and she’s grown up confident and sure of her place in the world. She doesn’t take any crap. I am in awe of her. (p37)
    Welcome to America; the land of opportunity. FFS.
    Using other people’s over-reactions to add emphasis makes you sound like a moron
    “Christian Grey has asked me to go for coffee with him.”
    Her mouth pops open. Speechless Kate! I savour the moment. (p39)
As an experiment, spend a day telling people mildly surprising things like “I thought I might give up sugar in my tea for a week” or “I have six tattoos” or “I met the Queen once when I was small”. Count the number of times anyone’s mouth pops open. If n > 0, I will humbly retract my objection.
Kate has been telling Anastasia for pages and pages and pages that Christian likes her. Therefore, speechless shock is not an appropriate reaction to him acting on this.
Unless she knows Anastasia is gay, of course.

    Photo: CarbonNYC [flickr]
    Coffee shops do not only sell coffee
    “I am going to have coffee with Christian Grey…and I hate coffee.” (p40)
    Then, Ana, you will just have to  stand outside the shop like a dog waiting for its owner while he goes in on his own , won’t you.
    In the coffee-shop, Anastasia comes over all sophisticated
    “I’ll have…um – English Breakfast tea, bag out.”
    “…Okay, bag out tea. Sugar?”
    For a moment, I’m stunned, thinking it’s an endearment, but fortunately my subconscious kicks in with pursed lips. No, stupid – do you take sugar?
    “No thanks.” I stare down at my knotted fingers. (p41)
Since the word “Sugar?” is modified by a high-rising terminal, and you’re in a coffee-shop, this is clearly a contextually-appropriate question rather than an endearment. Interpreting it as anything else makes you look like an idiot.
We’ve already covered the impossibility of engaging in meaningful dialogue with your unconscious, so I’ll just refer you back to p42.
As