Muscling Through Read Online Free

changed in time after.
    When we walked into this big hall with the fancy woodwork, everyone stared at me and Larry. I wasn’t sure if it was ’cause of me or ’cause we were two poofs, but there was loads of other blokes without girlfriends, so maybe they were used to poofs.
    We walked past this tall bloke going bald on top, and he looked at Larry and me and said, “My God! Since when have gorillas been allowed into Hall?”
    Larry sort of huffed. “Really, Doctor Hardwicke, one would have hoped that an English don would have been able to come up with something a little more original and pithy.”
    I know he said pithy, not pissy. I asked him afterward.
    Larry carried on. “May I introduce you? This is Alan, a very close friend of mine. Al, this is Clive Hardwicke, one of the English fellows.”
    He meant one of the University English teachers. Not that Clive was an English bloke, although he was that too.
    “Pleased to meet you,” I said, and I smiled at him. He looked a bit worried.
    “Ah, likewise, I’m sure. Don’t let me keep you from your seats.”
    So we sat down, and they said grace, but it was in Latin, so I don’t know how we was meant to understand it. It seems daft, praying something when you don’t know what you’re saying. But maybe they were all clever and understood it, and it was just me. So I just said my own grace in my head, which was much shorter.
    “Do you know which cutlery to use?” Larry whispered to me.
    I thought maybe he hadn’t been to one of these dinners before after all. No wonder he’d been nervous. I mean, no one expects anything much from me, but a clever bloke like him wouldn’t want to look stupid. “You just work from the outside in,” I whispered back. “My mum taught me that. I’ll tell you if you get it wrong.”
    Larry laughed, but I guess I must have missed the joke. That happens a lot, so it didn’t bother me or nothing. I just gave him a big grin.
    After dinner we had tiny little drinks of port in tiny little glasses. I was worried I was going to crush mine with my fingers, so I just held it and didn’t drink it or nothing. I met some more of Larry’s mates, and they all asked me what I did and where I’d studied, which didn’t seem very clever as I don’t think I look like I’ve got a degree or nothing.
    Larry was in a good mood when we left. “God, did you see their faces? The entire evening? Especially Hardwicke. I don’t think he’s been so shocked since the college started admitting women!”
    “Yeah, I’ve had other blokes who went out with me so they could shock their mates or their folks,” I said, ’cause it was true.
    Larry stopped dead in the street, and I wondered if he’d had too much of that port to drink. And then I thought, nah, no way, the glasses were so tiny you’d need about a hundred to get pissed. Though he is kind of little and he gets pissed easy. “Al,” he said, “you know that’s not why I’m with you, don’t you?”
    “I don’t know why you’re with me,” I said, ’cause I didn’t.
    He looked hurt. “Why are you with me?”
    That was easy. “Because you’re pretty and you’re clever and you know about paintings and you like Charlie Chaplin.”
    Larry gave me a big smile. He grabbed my arm and we carried on walking. “Well, then. I’m with you because you’re gorgeous and kind and we have the same taste in comedy.”
    “Okay.” I was pleased. Usually people can’t think of more than one reason why they’re with me. I know he didn’t mean it about me being gorgeous, ’cause I got a face like a squashed potato, and I know he likes cleverer stuff than Charlie Chaplin, but it was sweet of him to say it.
    We did sixty-nine that night. Larry went on top so he didn’t get squished. He’s really good at sucking dick. I wondered if he’d got exams in that too, and I had to stop sucking him ’cause I was laughing.
    “What’s funny?” he asked with a smile like he was getting ready for the