How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy Read Online Free

Once again he was a little slow at fully comprehending the seriousness of the situation.  He had trained in Tae Kwon Do for three years though, so his physical reflexes were a lot sharper than his mental alertness and he quickly sprang from the bed.  Then in one flowing movement he turned to face the alien, then tipped the bed forcefully against its legs.  It struck the alien’s shins reasonably hard, forcing it to let out a loud, “Ow!”
    Eric followed this up with a reverse back kick into the alien’s stomach, causing the alien to double up clutching its stomach in pain, which meant that its head was the perfect height for Eric to do a jump switch kick right in its face.  So that was what he did, knocking the alien to the floor.
    He then caught sight of another alien entering the room so he instantly adopted a fighting stance and began bouncing on his forefeet.  On instinct, he switched from side to side, alternating his stance.  The second alien wasn’t really close enough for this to be of any sparring benefit, but Eric’s logic behind it was that most people don’t actually know how to fight so if you dance about on your feet and change your stance regularly it makes you look as if you know what you’re doing.  This then generally causes your opponent to panic and bottle it as they realise that they might actually be up against someone who at least knows the basics of how to fight.  Eric had successfully used this strategy on one previous occasion to avoid a fight, but whether the same strategy would also work on aliens Eric wasn’t so sure, but he figured it couldn’t do any harm.
    He was then about to dance [5] towards the second alien when it began pulling its hands off, which confused and slightly scared Eric, as this was a fighting style he hadn’t encountered before.  If he had had a few minutes to analyse things he would have concluded that removing your hands probably isn’t going to be of much benefit in a fight, so he had nothing to fear (other than the fact that he was on an alien spaceship), but he didn’t have a few minutes to analyse things and therefore instinctively became afraid.
    But only for a few seconds before he noticed that the alien wasn’t actually removing its hands.
    It was removing a pair of gloves.  It appeared that its green scaly hands were actually just gloves.  And beneath the gloves were what appeared to be normal human hands.
    The situation then got stranger still when the alien began clutching at its neck.  A few seconds later Eric realised that it was removing a latex head covering mask.  And beneath the mask was what appeared to be a normal human head.
    “Hey, man!  What’re you doing?” the alien then proceeded to ask.  “It was just a trick, man!  You didn’t have to go hoofing my mate in the face, like.”
    Eric’s mind went into overdrive.  There had been quite a lot of information to take in over the last few minutes.  “So you’re not really aliens?” he finally inquired.
    “Well aye, we’re aliens,” the alien explained.  “Well, I mean … to you we are.  We’re not from Earth, like, if that’s what you mean … but we’re not aliens to us.  You’re the alien to us.  But what I mean is we’re not, like, green and scary.  That was just fake masks and fake gloves … just for a laugh, like.  You weren’t meant to go mental and start lashing out like a crazy radjee.  It was just a joke, man.”
    Eric didn’t share the alien’s point of view.  “Well in my defence, I had just been abducted by aliens.  And I was just about to be attacked by a green scaly alien with sharp claws going ‘Rarghh!’ in my face.”
    “Aye, but we haven’t really got green scaly hands, man,” the alien protested.  “Surely you should have realised.  I mean, how would we be able to fly the ship’s controls if we had those green stumpy clawed fingers,” the alien argued, pointing at his gloves.  “I mean, howay man.  It’d be