Jacob Two-Two Meets the Hooded Fang Read Online Free

bread and water. My shaving water! Ho, ho, ho!”
    “Can I have two slices, please?” asked Jacob Two-Two. “Can I have two slices?”
    “You see,” said The Hooded Fang, strutting, “he’s only been here two minutes and he’s begging for mercy. Am I tough! Oh, boy, I’m the toughest!” The Hooded Fang growled at Jacob Two-Two. He bared his fangs. “Shall I tell you why I hate kids more than anything in this world?”
    “Please do,” said Jacob Two-Two. “Please do.”
    The Hooded Fang dismissed Master Fish and Mistress Fowl and locked the door to his lair.
    “Once,” he began, “I was a star, with my own dressing room. The Hooded Fang, most hated and vile villain in all of wrestling. Why, as I made my way from my dressing room into the arena, the boos were sufficient to raise the roof beams. And the minute I stepped into the ring, the fans pelted me with stinking fish, rotten eggs, and overripe tomatoes. Oh, it was lovely!”
    “Then,” said The Hooded Fang, his eyes suddenly charged with menace, “it happened. One dreadful evening in Doncaster, just as I slipped between the ropes, waiting for the eggs and fish to fly …
a child laughed
. A child, standing on a chair in the front row, pointed at me, laughed out loud, and said, ‘He’s notterrible, Daddy, he’s funny!’
Funny?
Desperately, I rolled my eyes. I bared my fangs. I made menacing faces. But nobody threw anything. Not one little rotten egg. The child wouldn’t stop laughing. And, before you knew it, the whole arena was convulsed. The more I growled, the louder they laughed. When my opponent entered the ring, I immediately poked my thumb into his eye, but instead of hitting back, he just fell against the ropes, roaring with laughter.”
    The Hooded Fang blew his nose. His head hung heavy.
    “These things get around, you know. It was in the newspapers. And soon, wherever I went, all I had to do was crawl through the ropes, and the fans were laughing so hard, tears came to their eyes.
All because a child laughed
. A funny villain is no good, don’t you see? No good at all.”
    “Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Hooded Fang,” said Jacob Two-Two. “I’m sorry.”
    “Are you?” asked The Hooded Fang, surprised. “Why?”
    “Because you seem to be such a nice man.”
    “What?” roared The Hooded Fang. “How dare you! I’m not nice. I’m horrible, disgusting, mean,vicious, evil, and vile! Now get out of my sight, before I sink my fangs into you. Oh, how I hate kids!”

CHAPTER 7
    o Jacob Two-Two was removed from the lair of The Hooded Fang and led along a winding corridor and down two hundred steps to a row of subterranean cells by Master Fish and Mistress Fowl.
    A tearful little boy stuck his head out between the bars of the first cell Jacob Two-Two passed. “Please, sir,” he cried to the guards, “please, I’ve got a terrible tummyache.”
    “Shall we throw him to the crocs, then?” asked Master Fish.
    “No, feed him to the snakes.”
    “The wolverines are hungrier.”
    “How do you feel now?” asked Mistress Fowl.
    “Oh, much better, thank you, sir,” said the boy, retreating from the bars.
    A few cells farther down, a little girl’s head popped out between the bars. “I’m hungry,” she protested. “I’m so hungry.”
    “Here, then,” said Master Fish. “I’ll give you a rotten, wormy apple if you promise to eat every piece.”
    “Ugh,” said the girl, retreating.
    “What’s she in for?” asked Jacob Two-Two. “What’s she in for?”
    “Why that ungrateful little girl broke out in measles on the very day her father had invited the boss to dinner. Ruined everything.”
    “You’re in the double-security section,” said Mistress Fowl. “Only hardened criminals here.”
    With that, Mistress Fowl unlocked a cell and flung Jacob Two-Two inside. She left him with a jug of water and two slices of stale bread, slamming the barred door.
    Jacob Two-Two had hardly adjusted to his surroundings when the entire cellblock