How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy Read Online Free Page A

totally awkward.”
    “Ar, aye.  Of course,” Eric replied, sarcastically.  “It’s so obvious now.  I feel like such a fool.”  He slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand and let out a Homer Simpson style ‘Doh!’ to emphasise his sarcasm.
    “Well at least you’re big enough to admit your mistake,” the alien replied, failing to pick up on Eric’s not so subtle sarcasm.  It wasn’t that sarcasm was unheard of on the alien’s planet.  It was just that his means of communicating (of which more will be explained in due course) was generally pretty accurate at interpreting words, but not always a hundred percent flawless when it came to interpreting the emotions behind those words.
    “Well actually I think you’ll find I was being sarcastic,” Eric remarked, doing away with the need for any emotional translation.  “And anyway, if you’re all aliens then how come you speak English?  And even stranger … you’ve got a Geordie accent!  How realistic!” Eric remarked, with a tone of voice that suggested the opposite.  “This is a prank TV show, isn’t it?” he suggested, proposing the only logical explanation he could think of for the events of the last few minutes.
    “A prank TV show?” the alien repeated.  “Ar, why didn’t we think of that?”  It was then his turn to slap his forehead a nd let out a ‘Doh!’  “Ar, we should have recorded it to send to ‘Pranks and Gags.’”
    “What’s ‘Pranks and Gags’?” Eric inquired.
    “It’s like what you were just saying.  A comedy prank TV show.  Hang on a sec.”  At this point the alien reached in its pocket for what appeared to be a mobile phone.  He pushed a few buttons and a second or so later appeared to be digesting information from the screen.  “It’s a bit like You’ve Been Framed,” he then responded.
    At this Eric was sure they weren’t aliens.  How could aliens have possibly heard of You’ve Been Framed?  It had to be an elaborate TV hoax.
    “So let’s just get this straight, right?” Eric remarked.  “You’re both aliens from another planet that just so happen to speak English, with a Geordie accent … and you also happen to be a big fan of You’ve Been Framed?  Hmm, yes.  Not the most believable TV stunt I’ve ever seen.”
    “I’m not a fan of You’ve Been Framed,” the alien contended.  “I’ve never even seen it.  But if I had I reckon I would probably enjoy it cos it sounds canny good, like.”
    At this point the first alien, the one that had been on the receiving end of Eric’s kicks, let out a groan.
    “Are you alright, Azleev?” the second alien asked of his injured friend.
    “Ooooorrrrrrghhh,” groaned the first alien (who apparently was called Azleev), answering his friend’s question indirectly rather than directly.
    “I can’t believe you hoofed him like that, like,” the second alien repeated, shaking his head.
    “Look, I’m sorry, man,” Eric apologised, “but I’ve already explained … I thought you were aliens.  I didn’t realise it was a prank TV show.  And I have to say, like, it’s a canny reckless prank to play.  What would’ve happened if I’d done a chokehold on your mate?  I could have ended up getting done for G.B.H. cos of your daft stupidness.”
    “Look, I’ve told you, we really are aliens!” the alien insisted.  “It’s not a prank.  Well yeah … aye, technically it is,” he quickly corrected himself.  “I’ll admit we were doing a trick on you … but not the way you mean.  We’re not from Earth.  We’re really from another planet.  The scary masks were a joke but the spaceship and everything else is real.”
    “Aye, of course it is,” Eric agreed, sarcastically.  “You, an alien … with a Geordie accent.  I can’t believe I even doubted you for a second.”
    “This isn’t my real accent,” the alien explained.  “And I don’t speak English.  That’s just the G.O.T. on my mobile phone translating