How To Avoid Death On A Daily Basis: Book Two Read Online Free

mistake.” Her eyes positively glowed as she ran them up and down Flossie’s curves.
     
    Now, I’m sure you’ve seen movies or TV shows where the characters come across some classic situation and they act like they have no clue what’s going on. It’s like the characters have never seen a movie or TV show themselves. It’s understandable why it’s written like that, but it’s still annoying. Personally, I’ve seen a ton of movies. And this scenario was feeling very familiar.
     
    Isolated farmhouse out in the sticks. Surprisingly friendly matron-type with the racist baby; eyeing up the chubby girl and practically licking her lips; force-feeding the skinny girl in an effort to fatten her up… It’d make you wonder what kind of meat was in the shepherd’s pie, right?
     
    “This looks fantastic,” I said, moving the food around my plate, looking for a finger or eyeball, “what kind of meat is it?”
     
    “Mutton. Do you have that where you come from?”
     
    “Yesh,” said Maurice through a mouthful of food. “But it doesn’t taste as great as this.”
     
    Obviously, I was being silly. The others were tucking in with gusto. The smell was too much for me to resist.
     
    It tasted as amazing as it smelled. Freshly cooked and perfectly seasoned. I think it may have been the best meal of my entire life, even if it was soylent green. 
     
    After we’d stuffed ourselves I felt a bit dazed, like I was stoned. I just sat there feeling full. We were very grateful and expressed our thanks repeatedly.
     
    “Is it just you and your husband here?” asked Claire.
     
    Margi laughed. “Oh no. My boys are out working the fields. Six in all, including little Dom here.” She cuddled the boy in her arms. He pulled a face and tried to wriggle out of the embrace.
     
    The news of five more sons had an unsettling effect on me. There was no reason to believe they were anything but wonderful young men, but a pinching feeling in the back of my head urged me to not wait around to find out just how wonderful.
     
    “We should get going,” I said.
     
    The others looked taken by surprise by my suggestion.
     
    “My husband should be back tonight. If you’re heading to the city, we make regular trips. He could give you a ride in the wagon.”
     
    “How far is it to the city? asked Maurice. “If you were on foot.”
 
    She thought about it for a moment. “Three days?”
     
    The others turned to me with pleading eyes. This was the problem with being well-fed and comfortable. It made you sloppy.
     
    “I suppose we could stay for a bit, if it’s okay,” I said, like an idiot.
     
    “Of course,” said Margi. “Having Visitors is an honour. One day you may become great people, and you’ll remember little Margi who helped you when you were just starting out. You can stay in the barn. It isn’t much, but it’s warm and dry, and a straw bed is more comfortable than the ground, that’s for sure.”
     
    It seemed a reasonable deal. A hot meal and a warm place to sleep, in return for which she’d have the gratitude of five potential legendary heroes. Of course, the greatest thing we were likely to achieve was not dying, but she didn’t know that.
     
    The warmth in my stomach, the eager looks on the faces of my party, they all contributed to me ignoring my natural instinct to spend as little time with people as possible.
     
    Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

5. When You Got To Go
     
    Margi looked out the window over the sink. “Oh, I can see my boys. Perhaps I should show you the barn now. Once the boys get here, I won’t have time to do anything but shovel more food at them. You want to see some real appetites, you don’t see them bigger than my boys’.” She beamed with pride.
     
    She led us out to the barn, which was full of bales of straw. Ladders led up to a loft, and the place had a comforting smell to it. Like summer in the park.
     
    “Oh, and another thing,” said Margi. “That little shed we passed on