Kismetology Read Online Free

the happy times they had doing the horizontal tango on it, and
she’s not only desperately trying to hold on to those, but she doesn’t want her
husband to forget them either."
    Bonking! Is this really happening? Jenni’s dad is talking to
me about his clients bonking. I wasn’t expecting this. "Wow," I say,
truly lost for words.
    But it’s nice that Jeff can see the problem of being a
divorce lawyer. So far, so good. Apart from the bonking bit, of course.
    "So, tell me about your mother?"
    "Well," I say, trying not to picture Jenni’s dad
and my mum doing the horizontal tango, as he calls it. "She’s
forty-nine—fifty in a few months, which she hates. She’d rather be
twenty."
    "Wouldn’t we all?"
    I laugh. "Tell me about it. And I'm not thirty
yet."
    "Really? I thought you were younger than that."
    I roll my eyes. "Such a charmer," I say. "But
flattery won’t get you anywhere with me. Try it on my mum though, but tell her
a believable age, not twenty."
    He laughs and his eyes crinkle up. He really is sweet. I can
see my mum liking him. Particularly if he says she looks young.
    "She’s a yoga teacher, and she loves animals. You do
like animals, right?"
    "Yeah. I have two black Labradors who take up a lot of
my free time, but I love them like family."
    Wow. So far, so great. He is ticking every box. I briefly consider
getting my list out and going through it with him, but I think that if I can
just work some questions into the conversation, I will not only get a good
picture of how good a conversationalist he is (full marks so far) but I can
keep it less businesslike. After all, he isn’t on a job interview. This is just
a… date interview?
    "So, what else do you like to do in your free
time?" Actually, I wonder how much free time he gets. Lawyers are known
for working long hours, aren’t they? And I really need someone who can keep my
mum occupied for, well, all the time, really.
    "Do you get much free time?" I ask quickly, before
he’s had a chance to answer the first question.
    He smiles. "More than you might think. I’ve worked
there for a long time, so I get a little leniency with hours. I generally do
eight in the morning to five or six in the evening, and rarely have to go in on
weekends."
    That’s a relief.
    "And in my spare time," he continues. "I
usually just spend time with my dogs. Take them for walks or just hang out in
the garden to trim some weeds."
    "Wow. Well, the only problem I can see is that your two
Labradors would probably eat Eleanor’s Yorkshire terrier alive."
    He laughs. "Don’t worry, they’re not into live meat.
They only like the tinned stuff. And unless your mum’s Yorkie comes in a tin,
they’ll be nice to… him?"
    "Him. Baby. And being in a tin can be easily arranged
if he pees on my houseplant one more time."
    Jeff laughs again. "Oh dear."
    "Like I don’t have enough trouble keeping plants alive
without dog pee involved."
    "Jenni said you were funny, but for some reason I
didn’t believe her."
    "Jenni’s great. We have a great time in work."
    "I bet you do."
    I nod. "I don’t want to be rude, but can I ask what
happened with her mother? Why did you two split up?"
    I mean, come on, if he’s a slimy, cheating, control freak
then I want to know now. But then again, is he really going to tell me the
truth?
    "Jenni didn’t tell you?"
    I shake my head.
    "I fell in love with someone else and my wife cheated
on me with another man. We stayed together and tried to make it work, but it
just didn’t. Eventually I asked for the divorce, but we both knew it wasn’t
working out. Neither of us could get past what happened."
    "That’s horrible," I say, wanting to reach across
the table and comfort him. But I don’t. I keep my hands to myself. Let Mum
comfort him.
    "It was a long time ago. Getting on for six years now.
How long has your mum been separated?"
    "My dad left about ten years ago."
    "That’s tough."
    "Yeah, but you get over it, don’t you?"
    "You have to."
    I