Dick by Law Read Online Free Page B

significant merits, Your Honor, " said Quinn. "We seek an injunction under the public nuisance statute. We will prove that Mr. Shaw is a nuisance to the public , and as such, deserving of regulation. "
    Judge Bartlebaugh unwrapped a hunk of pink bubble gum and popped it into his mouth . " The statute was written with other nuisances in mind. Are you comparing Mr. Shaw to a strip mine or hog farm ?"
    "If the shoe fits." Simon said it just loud enough for Quinn to hear.
    But Qu inn gave no sign he'd heard. " Mr. Shaw fits the very definition of public nuisance. He is offensive and annoying to the people of this community and others."
    " Your Honor..." said Swope .
    Quinn wouldn't let him interrupt . " Mr. Shaw actually exceeds the definition under the statute. Not only is he offensive and annoying, but he actively causes pain and suffering on a regular basis."
    " Bull shit! " Face flushed, Horne popped up out of his chair.
    Swope pushed him back down. "I object to Mr. Keegan's characterization of my client!"
    "In ten years as a claims adj ustor for 5G5 Delivery," said Quinn, "how many claims has Mr. Shaw paid out?"
    "That is not relevant ," said Swope.
    " Zero ." Quinn returned his gaze to Judge Bartlebaugh. "He has never paid one penny to a customer."
    "Objection!" Swope's ample jowls jiggled with rage.
    "And you know it's not because there weren't any damages in ten years." Quinn spread his arms wide. "It's a furniture and appliance delivery company , for heaven's sake."
    Simon got a chill up his spine . Listening to Quinn when he hit his stride was hardcore stirring. He was like a super-hero in a black pinstripe suit and red tie.
    "You will see , if you give us the chance," said Quinn, " that Mr. Shaw is at best a nuisance and at worst a genuine threat to the public good."
    Judge Bartlebaugh narrowed his eyes . " But t he injunction specifically says dick . How do y ou plan to prove he's not just a nuisance , but a dick ? "
    Quinn held up a sheaf of papers. "We have signed affidavits from dozens of people supporting our..."
    "Yes, but i t's subjective." Judge Bartlebaugh rocked back in his chair and gazed at the ceiling , chewing his gum as he spoke . "We might as well call him a fuckwad or a shit-for-brains ."
    " Hey! " said Shaw.
    "Your Honor..." said Quinn.
    "Why not change the complaint?" said Judge Bartlebaugh. "Leave out the 'dick' part."
    Quinn stared at Simon with special intensity. The truth was, Quinn had hated the "dick" concept from the get-go and had tried many times to talk Simon out of it.
    But the answer was still the same.
    "That would be missing the point," said Simon.
    Quinn stared so hard, he looked like his eyeballs were about to pop out .
    " H e's a total dick ." Simon hiked a thumb toward Horne . "People should know ."
    Judge Bartlebaugh cracked his gum and got up from his chair . "All right then. The elements of the case are clear to me. It's been fun, but now we're done . "
    "Thank you, Your Honor." Swope closed his leather- bound notebook with a crack that echoed through the cavernous courtroom and grinned over at Simon and Quinn . "So pl eased we could reach this result ."
    As Judge Bartlebaugh started down the steps behind the bench, Simon slumped. He 'd known the lawsuit was a long shot , but he was still disappointed at the outcome. Even without a win, he'd hoped to have a little more time to make his point in a public forum. A little more time to get back at that dick Horne Shaw . But now, a ll his high hopes for revenge zoomed away at once like pigeons from a gunshot.
    And then zoomed right back.
    "See you Monday , everyone ." Judge Bartlebaugh waved on his way through the door to his chambers.
    "Huh?" Startled, Simon turned to Quinn, who looked equally startled.
    " But you said we were done here!" said Swope.
    "Done for the weekend . " Judge Bartlebaugh blew a bubble, then popped it and sucked the gum back into his mouth . "No way am I dismissing this case !"
    With that, he slammed the door