Dick by Law Read Online Free Page A

it c ould lead to this ...that Zeke had had the presence of mind, even as his partner was gushing blood from a slashed wrist, to protect the 5G5 company from paying out a damage claim .
    "So you won't pay for the buckled linoleum tile or the warped underlayment? " said Simon. "Or the ruined drywall and cabinets, all of which were your delivery men's fault ? "
    "Not a fucking cent." Horne's tone remained as smooth as ever. "But you already knew that if you signed the release."
    "I had no idea it was a release," said Simon.
    "It said so clearly at the top of the form," said Horne. "And several other places on the form, too."
    "You know damn well I couldn't read it," said Simon.
    "The fact that you're illiterate doesn't cancel the agreement you signed."
    "I didn't read it because I was too busy dealing with your injured delivery man ," said Simon.
    "Not mine," said Horne. "He's a subcontractor."
    Simon was on the brink of going off...but he caught himself and drew a deep breath. Maybe it was time for a different tactic . "I'd like to speak to a manager."
    "No can do," said Horne. "When it comes to damage claims, I do all the talking for 5G5."
    "Then send me back to the receptionist," said Simon.
    "She won't connect you to a manager, either," said Horne. "We run a tight ship around here. "
    They sure did. Simon was boxed in, and he knew it. Better to end the call without giving asshole Horne any more satisfaction...then look for a better strategy later. "Well, thanks a lot." He couldn't keep the sarcasm out of his voice. "Have a great day ."
    "Don't mind if I do!" Horne sounded more smug than ever. "You, too, Mr. Bellerophon."
    "Yeah, sure," said Simon.
    Horne paused a beat...then added one more thing. One more straw on the camel's back. "See you later, alligator ," he said, and then he laughed.
    And that, of everything he'd said, was what put Simon over the edge.
    See you later, alligator.
    Horne was still laughing on the other end of the line when Simon clicked off the phone and put down the handset. And that was when he knew.
    That was when he knew exactly what he was going to do next.
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    *****
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    Chapter 7
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    Tucker County Courthouse
    Melville, Pennsylvania, 9:31 a.m.

    Three weeks later, Simon sat at the plaintiff's table near the front of the main courtroom in the Tucker County Courthouse. The first phase of his plan seemed to be going pretty damn well.
    He was suing to have Horne Shaw legally declared a dick...and so far, Judge Jonah Bartlebaugh hadn't thrown out the case. In fact, Judge Bartlebaugh actually seemed to be enjoying it. He didn't seem to be in much of a hurry to wrap it up .
    Horne' s lawyer, the enormous blowhard Delroy Swope, was trying to get the judge to dismiss the lawsuit as frivolous . But Judge Bartlebaugh wasn't rushing to take his side.
    " Is it frivolous?" Judge Bartlebaugh raised his eyebrows at Simon. "You don't want a new washing machine. You don't want money. You don't want any form of compensation for the damages you've suffered."
    "Correct, Your Honor," said Simon.
    Judge Bartlebaugh grinned and shook his head. "You just want the court to acknowledge officially that the defendant, Horne Shaw..."
    "...is a dick ." Simon nodded. "Yes, Your Honor."
    "A dick," said Judge Bartlebaugh. "As in a person of low character."
    "I see it as doing a service for society," said Simon.
    "I think it's our duty to identify people like him."
    "Your Honor, I ask again that you dismiss this most frivolous lawsuit." Swope combed pork sausage fingers through his shock of wavy white hair. "Suing to have my client branded a dick is an extraordinary abuse of both the court's time and the county' s money ."
    Judge Bartlebaugh smirked. "Yo u want to talk about abusing time ?" He tapped his desk with an index finger. "Try sitting up here day after day dealing with one boring drug arrest or property line beef after another. This dick case is a breath of fresh air!"
    " We will demonstrate that this suit has