Dick by Law Read Online Free

heading for the back door. "This floor is ruined. Not to mention the kitchen floor. "
    "Hey, Boss." Josie handed him a fresh beer. "Were any children hurt?"
    Simon sighed. "Nope."
    "And the world didn't end, did it?" Josie swept her arm across the doorway, taking in the world outside.
    "I guess not." Simon took a swig of beer.
    "Then go get your zip ties." Josie pushed him out the door. "And get your ass back here, 'cause there's a mop with your name on it!"
    "Because I own it," said Simon as he hiked across the yard.
    "Details, details," said Josie.
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    *****
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    Chapter 6

    Normally, Simon played the role of a caped crusader to help other people, like little old ladies getting conned out of comic book treasure troves. But in the weeks after Greg's slashed wrist and the washing machine m ess, Simon had to fight for himself for a change.
    All he wanted was a little compensation for the damage from the disconnected washer. It seemed fair that 5G5 should pay him something for the ruined l aundry room and kitchen floor.
    But getting paid for damages turned out to be harder than he expected. Just filing a damage claim turned out to be a n ordeal .
    After the accident in the laun dry room, Simon called 5G5 and said he wanted to file a claim. The guy at 5G5 told him they'd send someone out right away to assess the damage.
    Three weeks and f ifteen phone calls later, 5G5 sent out someone Simon thought was a claims adjustor. The guy took a few notes , shot a few photos , and that was that. On the way out the door, the guy said a real claims adjustor would be in touch soon.
    But the 5G5 guy was full of shit when he said that. Six weeks went by without a peep from an adjustor. Simon spent the time getting more and more pissed off and making over thirty phone calls to 5G5.
    Then, finally, a claims adjustor called him back from the 5G5 claims center in Pittsburgh.
    During their conversation, t he adjustor s eemed like a perfectly nice guy. He had a deep, soothing voice, and he acted polite and concerned and helpful.
    His name was Horne Shaw. He went over Simon's cl aim over the phone, then said it would take a while to process. He told Simon he'd have to call him back.
    After which three weeks flew by without contact. Totally fed up, Simon started calling every day, leaving messages on Shaw's voice mail. He didn't hear back for another three weeks.
    Just when Simon couldn't stand it another day, just when he thought he was going to lose his mind, Shaw called back. He said he had the results of Simon's damage claim in front of him.
    "We have considered your claim care fully, Mr. Bellerophon." Shaw's deep voice was congenial over the phone. "I'm pleased to say we can finally put this regrettable incident behind us."
    "Great." Simon shuffled In¢entive$ -related paperwork on his kitch en table, phone handset clamped between his ear and shoulder. "So what's the good word?"
    "Just a minute," said Horne. "Now where did I put those numbers?" Simon heard the sound of rustling papers over the phone, then a smack, as if Horne had slapped his desk. "Here they are. Now let's see. Dum de dum dum."
    Simon sorted more paperwork as he waited. His neck started to ache from keeping the phone clamped against his shoulder.
    "All right, okay," said Horne. "Here it is. The word is...you get nothing."
    Simon stopped shuffling papers. "Excuse me?"
    "That's right," said Horne. "You get absolutely nothing . Your claim is denied ."
    Simon was in shock. "For what reason?"
    "Because you waived the right to sue," said Horne. "Remember that release you signed?"
    "Release?" Frowning, Simon slipped the phone from his shoulder. "What release?"
    "Our delivery man, Zeke Cutler, h anded you a form just before he left for the hospital with his partner, Greg Weyland. Any of that ring a bell?"
    Simon's frown darkened. He vaguely remembered initialing a form in the chaos before the ambulance arrived for screaming, bleeding Greg. He hadn't realized at the time that