Deep Surrendering: Episode Nine Read Online Free Page A

you an answer. But it’s looking like this is going to be a long game instead of a short one. I have to make absolutely sure I can do this right.” I really had no idea what he was talking about, since he hadn’t told me anything. I just had to trust him, and that was getting harder the longer he was gone and the longer I had to wait with little to no news.
    “Fin,” I said with a sigh. I didn’t know what I wanted to say to him.
    “I know that’s a terrible explanation. I wish I could give you more. I just . . . I wish so many things.”
    So did I. “I feel like I’m in limbo here. I don’t know when you’re coming back, and we barely get to talk, and when we do you don’t say much and it’s just hard, Fin. I’m going through things here and I need you. I just need you.” I didn’t mean for all of that to spill out, but I couldn’t hide the way I felt anymore.
    “I can’t imagine how frustrating this is for you. And I know you’re having a hard time. I can’t tell you that you have to stay with me. I can’t do that to you. I can’t make you stay with me. So . . . If you want out this is your chance. I’m giving you the opportunity to end this. I understand if you want to.”
    Whoa. WHOA. I did not say that. I definitely did not say I wanted to end things.
    “Hold up. What part of I love you do you not understand? I love you, and just because I’m frustrated and missing you doesn’t mean that’s going to go away or just magically turn off. I’m in this for the long haul, however long that may be. Love isn’t bailing at the first sign of difficulty,” I said. The pasta was cold by this point, and I was going to have to reheat it, but this was more important right now.
    “This isn’t the first sign of difficulty, Marisol. You’ve already been through a lot. I keep wondering what your breaking point is going to be. You’re so strong, but even you must have a point that makes you draw the line.”
    Yes, I did have that point and we hadn’t crossed it yet. There were several deal breakers for me.
    “Do you want to end this? I don’t want to force you to be with me either. Maybe this would be a lot easier if we took a break. It would be less pressure on you and less pressure on me. Maybe you could get done what you need to get done faster without worrying about me.” The words cut deep as I said them, but they had to be said. I didn’t want to be the only one working and fighting for us to be together if that wasn’t what he wanted anymore.
    “No, no, no. I don’t want to end this. I only wanted you to know if you wanted to, I would be fine with that. Well, not fine, but . . .” Yeah, I wouldn’t be fine either.
    “So what we’re trying to say here is that neither of us wants to end this, but we both agree if the other one does, no hard feelings. I think that’s what we’re getting at,” I said.
    He chuckled. “Agreed. After all the beating around the bush. I don’t want to end this, you don’t want to end this, but we’re both frustrated and needed to let the other one know,” he said.
    I was about to say something else, but my father walked in.
    “How’s dinner coming? Need any help?” I turned around and pointed at the phone and mouthed “it’s Fin.” Dad gave me a thumbs up and backed out of the room to give me privacy.
    “Who was that?” Fin asked.
    “Just my dad. He asked how things were going with us and I told him they were good. Don’t worry, I’m not telling him anything. I haven’t even told Chloe much. Not that I know a whole lot.”
    “You could if you really wanted to. I hate to think that you’re lying to your family. I don’t want to cause even more problems for you,” he said.
    “No, no. It’s fine. I’m not used to talking to my family anyway. It’s no big deal to just . . . not tell them much. Besides, I don’t really want to give my dad too much else to worry about. He’s got enough on his plate.” And then some.
    “But if you wanted