Deep Surrendering: Episode Nine Read Online Free

It’s moving pretty fast, and it’s been . . . it’s been rough. I feel so shitty, Fin. For not being there. For being such a pain in the ass. I feel like this is my punishment or something for being a shitty daughter all these years.” I hadn’t said that out loud yet, to anyone.
    “Oh, Marisol.” Fin sighed. “I wish, more than anything in this world, that I could be there with you right now. I’d put my arms around you, and I’d hold you and tell you that you aren’t a shitty daughter. You couldn’t be, even if you tried. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” God, I wished that too. I wished it almost as much as I wished my mother wasn’t sick.
    “But I was, Fin. I really was. You only know my side of things. And for years I wasn’t nice to my parents. Really not nice. My mom just made me so angry my whole life, and I resented her. Still do a little. I’m not this angel of goodness you think I am.”
    The last sentence made him burst out laughing. “It’s not funny, Fin. I’m serious.”
    “I know you are, Mari Cherry. This is another thing we’re going to have to agree to disagree on.” Something else. Great. I wanted us to agree on most things. I didn’t think couples who disagreed on everything were very likely to make it in the long run.
    “I don’t want to talk about me anymore. How are thing going with you?” I couldn’t ask anything specific because I didn’t know anything specific about his plans, or what he was doing, or anything.
    “Things are . . . going. They’re going. And that’s really all I can say about it. I wouldn’t put it past my father to tap my phone.”
    Oh God, I hadn’t even thought of that. I should have thought of that.
    “You’re right. You’re right. But I just wish . . . I feel like I’m blabbing all over you, and I don’t know anything about what you’re doing right now.” It drove me nuts. Why couldn’t we just talk about our days like normal people?
    “I know you do. I wish that too. I wish a lot of things, but that’s near the top of the list,” he said, and I realized the pasta was probably starting to overcook and I needed to drain it. Doing so while balancing the phone was a monumental task, but I accomplished it without spilling anything or dropping my phone in the sink with the hot water.
    “What’s that noise?” Fin asked after I dumped the pasta into the colander in the sink.
    “I’m making dinner for my parents. My dad has been letting the staff go early at nights. I think he’s worried about having people here while Mom is sick and everything. He doesn’t want it to get out. You know how gossip like this could spread.”
    “Oh yes. Bad news goes around like wildfire.” Yes, it did.
    “So, yeah. That’s what’s been going on here. Other than classes and everything that is the same old, same old.”
    “How’s Boston? I sometimes pull up pictures of the city and stare at them and imagine I’m there. I’ve traveled all around the world, and it’s the only place I want to be. But that’s probably because of who is currently in Boston.”
    “I hope that’s me you’re talking about.”
    He laughed. “Yes, sweet girl, it is you.”
    I almost made a joke about Sapphire, but stopped myself. “The city is the same. The food trucks are still out, the summer tourists are still around, and the ducks are still in the park. Oh, and I still miss you. So much.” I knew I said it a lot, but I really did. It was so much worse this time because I didn’t know when he was coming back. Not even a ballpark.
    “Hey, do you have any idea how long this is going to take? I just . . . I don’t need a date, just a general idea. There are a lot of charity events coming up and I’d love for you to be there with me, if you could be.” I couldn’t stop the fantasy of me in a gown and Fin in a tux, sweeping down a staircase together and then waltzing all night, drunk on champagne.
    “I know you want to know. And I wish I could give