me whether you have any scorpion venom antidote here or not?”
“It’s not that simple,” said Stacy. “And I’m still not sure I believe you.”
“What kind of scam do you think I’m trying to pull here?” said Julian. “Why would I be asking you about scorpion anti-venom if I didn’t really need it? Are the kids using it recreationally these days or something?”
“Do you even know what kind of scorpion stung your friend?”
Julian shrugged. “I’m guessing dire .”
“What?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Julian pleaded. “We’ll take whatever you’ve got.”
“It most certainly does matter,” said Stacy, walking into a large office. The name stenciled on the opaque glass was Harvey Baxter. Julian followed her. “If you use the anti-venom from the wrong type of scorpion, it’ll probably have no effect whatsoever. It might even do more harm than good.”
“Well can we make some?”
“Make some?”
“Yeah, just give me a list of ingredients or whatever and we’ll whip up a batch. What’s in anti-venom? Vitamin C? Riboflavin? Yellow Number 5? Sprite? What?”
She walked around a desk to the window behind it and pulled the cord to raise the blinds, smiling back at Julian and shaking her head. “Riboflavin?”
When the blinds went up, Cooper was standing, like the giant monstrous dumbass that he was, right there in the window.
“Oh shit!” said Julian. Catching himself before she had the time to turn around, he pointed to the first thing his eyes could find, an open can of Diet Dr. Pepper on the desk. “You’re drinking soda this early in the morning?”
“What?” said Stacy. “I’m not a coffee person.” Cooper ducked out of the way just before she turned back to the window. She lifted it open. “Whew? What’s that smell?” She closed the window again.
“So,” said Julian. “Back to the topic at hand?”
“You don’t make anti-venom like you make a fruitcake,” said Stacy. “It needs to be made inside a living organism. They usually use a horse, an animal big enough to shrug off a small dose of the venom. They inject the venom into the animal, and its body creates the anti-venom naturally. Then scientists extract it from their blood. It’s not all that complicated, really. The horse does all of the heavy lifting.”
“So you’re saying if I had a horse and the right kind of scorpion, we could make some ant-venom?”
Stacy looked at him curiously. “Well theoretically, I suppose, but it –”
“Hold that thought,” said Julian. “I’ll be right back.”
Julian bolted out of and around the side of the building as fast as he could. When Professor Goosewaddle saw him, he put his hands up innocently. Julian ran to the car and opened the professor’s door. “I need your help.”
“Whatever I can do,” said the professor.
“Do you have any monster summoning spells?”
“Of course! What do you need?”
“Good man,” said Julian. “Come with me.” He led the professor back to the front door of the building. “Listen, Professor. The woman you’re about to meet has never seen a gnome before, so forgive her if she seems a little uncomfortable.”
Professor Goosewaddle nodded his head. “I understand.” They walked into the waiting room.
“Stay here,” said Julian. He walked to the doorway of Dr. Baxter's office and knocked lightly. “Stacy?”
“Come on in.”
Julian opened the door, but remained in the doorway. “Stacy, I’d like to introduce you to my um… grandfather.”
“Your grandfather is with you?”
“Listen,” said Julian. “Let me give you a little heads up so you’re not freaked out by him.”
“Freaked out?”
“You see,” said Julian. “He’s short and kind of deformed.”
Stacy stood up and stomped toward the doorway. “Now what kind of way is that to talk about your own – oh my. Hello, sir.”
“How do you do?” said Professor Goosewaddle.
Stacy glared at Julian. “Why he’s just adorable! Shame on