Critical Failures III (Caverns and Creatures Book 3) Read Online Free Page A

That was good. The door was unlocked, which meant the place was open. He pushed the door open and started to step inside.
    HONK! HONK! HONK! HONK! Julian’s car alarm was competing for attention with The Pixies’ Doolittle album. Fuck.
    Julian ran back around to the side of the building. His car was not where he had parked it, not even facing the same direction. It had swerved to the side and backed into the Corolla. The windshield wipers were flapping back and forth as fast as they could go. The hazard lights were flashing on and off. The gas tank and trunk were both wide open. Cooper!
    “Goosewaddle!” Julian cried. “What are you doing?”
    The professor, still in his seat, opened the window. “I’m sorry. I got bored.”
    “I wasn’t even gone a minute!” said Julian. “How did you turn on the car? I took the keys out!”
    “It was nothing,” said the professor, looking mighty pleased with himself. “A small, focused modification of a Lightning Bolt spell into the keyhole did just the trick.”
    “Well make it stop!”
    The professor snapped his fingers and the car fell silent.
    “What the hell is going on out here?” shouted a voice much younger and more female than Julian had anticipated. “It’s seven o’clock in the – my car!”
    “Don’t make a fucking sound!” Julian whispered at the professor. He whirled around, trying to obscure the woman’s view of Professor Goosewaddle while scanning around for any signs of Cooper, hoping desperately not to find any.
    A young woman glared at him with striking green eyes. Her hair was an explosion of auburn curls, no doubt exacerbated by the humidity. She wasn’t exactly what he expected Dr. Harvey Baxter to look like. But she had a lab coat on, and that was credentials enough for him.
    “Um,” said Julian. “Sorry about that. I’ll pay for that.”
    “You’re goddamn right you will, amigo,” said the woman in the lab coat.
    “Huh?” said Julian. “Oh right, the serape, and the… This isn’t… I can… Um, are you Dr. Baxter?”
    “Do I look like a Harvey Baxter to you?”
    “No, I just thought –”
    “I’m his assistant,” said the woman. “Dr. Baxter won’t be in until ten. My name is Stacy. What do you want?”
    “I, uh…” said Julian. “I’ve been poisoned. I got stung by a scorpion.”
    Stacy put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”
    “Yeah.”
    “You don’t appear to be in a lot of pain.”
    “I mask my feelings because I’m insecure?”
    “Know what I think?” asked Stacy. “I think you’re full of crap. Show me where the scorpion stung you.”
    “Okay, I lied,” said Julian. “It wasn’t me. It was a friend. I need to get a dose of scorpion anti-venom and I’ll get out of your hair.”
    “This isn’t a supermarket,” said Stacy. “You don’t just walk in and pick up some scorpion venom. It’s more complicated than that. Where is this friend of yours anyway?”
    Julian was losing ground. It was time to pull out the big guns. “Listen, Stacy,” he said. “I know I’ve made a bad first impression. But my friend is in some serious shit. If I don’t help him, he’s going to die.” He hoped that the fact that he was telling the truth would lower the Difficulty Class on his attempt at Diplomacy.
    Stacy crossed her arms and stared at him for a moment. “Fine,” she said. “Come on in. I need to get your insurance information anyway.”
    Julian turned back to give Professor Goosewaddle a warning glance, then followed Stacy back to the front of the building.
    The interior matched the exterior’s suburban home theme. The waiting room was furnished with comfortable, orange sofas on opposite walls. A coffee table sat between them, stocked with an assortment of science and wildlife magazines. The beige linoleum floor shone like the surface of an operating table.
    “Sit down,” said Stacy.
    “I’m sorry,” said Julian. “Time is kind of a factor here. Can you at least tell