1 Catered to Death Read Online Free Page A

said.
    “See?” Claudine asked triumphantly. “I bet DeeDee’s been to hundreds of retirement parties so she knows what she’s talking about.”
    Since I had attended many retirement parties—although not catered them—I didn’t correct Claudine. Besides, she was right; presents to the retiree were customary. It was hard to believe that someone as seemingly sophisticated as Frank Ubermann didn’t know that.
    “Well, I think it’s stupid!” Frank said in an annoyed tone of voice.
    “And I think it’s in good form!” Claudine snapped back.
    Frank looked disgusted. “What is wrong with you? You’ve been itching to get rid of Junebug for years and now you’re acting like we’re having a send off for your own mother to San Quentin.”
      “Frank, there’s no need to use that tone with me,” Claudine said sharply. “I’m not your secretary, remember. I have a master’s degree—”
    “Spare me your resume. Everyone in the entire town of Kemper knows that you have a master’s degree. My dog knows that you have a master’s degree! And I’m not using any ‘tone’ with you. I’m simply trying to point out that you’re blowing things out of proportion, as usual.”
    “I am not blowing anything out of proportion,” Claudine said, her own voice getting louder in response to Frank’s. Glancing in my direction, she caught herself. “Really, Frank, squabbling like children in front of the help. What’s DeeDee going to think of us?”
    “If she has any sense at all, she’ll think I’m right and you’re an idiot.”
    Claudine didn’t seem insulted, which impressed me. “Oh, Frank. How you run on. Now let’s leave DeeDee alone so she can finish getting set up,” Claudine said. “I have some school matters to discuss with you.   I’m sure Dee will excuse us.”
    “Of course,” I quickly assured her. I couldn’t wait for the two of them to leave.
    “Now? It’s almost time to eat and I’m starving.”
    “ Now ,” Claudine intoned. “These are things that can’t be put off, as much as you might want to. Someone has to make sure things are running smoothly at Eden Academy and once again, it looks as if the ball has landed in my court.”
    “What are you talking about? I’m the one who keeps this boat afloat and we all know it.”
    Claudine sighed deeply. “I’d say we’re both responsible for running Eden Academy. Now will you please come with me, Frank? These are matters that simply will not wait.”
    From the corner of my eye, I saw Frank roll his eyes toward the ceiling and then pull them back down to glare at Claudine. “Will you excuse us, DeeDee?” Frank asked. “Is there anything you need?”
    “I’m fine,” I told him. I smiled politely at both of them and watched with a huge sense of relief as they made their way for the door. Claudine walked out of the room first with Frank close behind her. They were almost gone when I saw Frank’s hand graze Claudine’s backside in a familiar manner, cupping her bottom with a quick, intimate move that seemed quite practiced. I continued to watch, half expecting someone as seemingly hostile as Claudine to either turn around and bite him or start beating him over the head with her gold bracelets. But Claudine didn’t seem to respond to Frank’s touch at all other than to put the slightest hint of a wiggle into her walk and I could have sworn she arched her fanny upwards so that he could get a better feel.
    A second later, Claudine and Frank vanished from sight, their voices low and hushed as they walked down the hallway.
    I was confused. The two of them had been grousing at each other like a pair of grumpy old men and yet Frank seemed to know his way around Claudine’s legging-covered fanny quite well. It didn’t make sense. Had they just been acting like they didn’t like each other in front of me, their audience? Why would either of them care what the caterer thought? I had the strong feeling that I wouldn’t want to work at