1 Catered to Death Read Online Free

retire.”
      “It does sound nice—provided you can afford to.”
    “Money is always the kicker, isn’t it? Have you been catering for a long time? I’ve never heard of your company before.”
    “Actually,” I began a little reluctantly. I have an annoyingly wide honest streak so I was about to tell Frank that he was my very first customer but before I could get started we were interrupted by the arrival of a tall, thin redhead entering the lounge.
    “I see you found us.” The redhead nodded coolly at Frank as she walked toward me. “I’m Claudine Markham. You must be the caterer.”
    “Yes. I’m DeeDee Pearson.” I tried not to stare but Claudine Markham didn’t look at all like what I had expected. Instead of the prim and proper school marm type that she sounded like over the telephone, Claudine was dressed quite seductively. She had on black leggings and a long, low cut black sweater that was so tight that it could have easily passed for a skin rash. What appeared to be five thousand thin gold bracelets covered her spindly arms and the black boots she was wearing had the highest, skinniest heels I’d ever seen. Her makeup was heavy and her hair was thick and curly like someone who sang backup in a metal band. As she came closer to me, I couldn’t help but shiver. It felt like a draft had entered the room along with Claudine and I remember what Jack Mulholland had said about Claudine having an icicle where her heart should be. “It’s nice to meet you,” I told her.
    “It’s a pleasure meeting you too. I’m very pleased that you were able to help us out on such short notice. Junebug’s retirement announcement came as something as a surprise to all of us and I wasn’t sure if we’d be able to do anything for the dear woman.” Behind her, Frank coughed softly. Claudine ignored him. “Let me fill you in on the agenda. We plan on having a brief ceremony for Junebug where we’ll give her a token gift. Then we’ll eat. I imagine we should be ready to eat by one-fifteen if that works for you.”
    “That works perfectly for me,” I said. “I planned a meal that doesn’t have to be served promptly at one just in case there were any late arrivals.”
    “What ‘token gift’?” Frank asked. “We’re paying for a catered meal for Junebug. You didn’t say anything about buying the old bat something too. I want to make it clear right now that I’m not kicking in for it.”
    Claudine looked pained. “Frank, it’s customary to give long-time employees some kind of going away present. In the old days it was usually a gold watch. I assure you that I haven’t been nearly that extravagant.”
    “Those ‘old days’ happened when the economy was rolling and people had money to spare on sentiment. Claudine, you’re on the finance committee. You know how strapped we are for money right now.”
    Claudine spoke through gritted teeth. “We didn’t get her a new car, Frank. Our gift to Junebug is quite small. Tasteful, but small. And not expensive.”
    I wanted to disappear but since that wasn’t an option, I began refolding the napkins I’d already folded although it didn’t really matter what I was doing since neither Frank nor Claudine seemed to remember that I was in the same room as them.
    “What’s your idea of ‘not expensive’?” Frank demanded. “Under fifty bucks?”
    “Under ten,” Claudine said between gritted teeth. “As a matter of fact, it hardly cost us a thing. I found something perfectly lovely at the Hospital Volunteers’ Thrift Shop. Junebug will never know where it came from and I know she’ll adore it.”
    “She won’t even remember you gave her anything tomorrow morning. I really wish you’d knock all this la de da crap off. You’re the only one who cares about it, Claudine, and we both know it’s just all for show.”
    Claudine turned to me. “What do you think, DeeDee? Aren’t presents customary at retirement parties?”
    “Yes, usually,” I