Psychos: A White Girl Problems Book Read Online Free
Author: Babe Walker
throw for someone who’d just gotten out of rehab. But considering how fucked up my life was going to get over the next few months, that shitty party would be the least of my worries.
two
TRYING TO DO MORE REGULAR-PEOPLE STUFF.
Genevieve 7:16AM What is your problem?
This was the text from Gen that I awoke to in the morning. I knew I’d have to deal with her being mad at me after I stormed out of the party, but I didn’t like the idea of her being mad at me while I was supposed to be mad at her.
Babe 9:10AM What is your problem?
Genevieve 9:10AM What do you mean?
Genevieve 9:11AM I asked you.
Genevieve 9:15AM What is your fucking problem?
Babe 9:16AM Before answering that, I’d really like to know what your fucking problem is.
Genevieve 9:18AM My problem is that I’m not clear on what your huge problem is right now.
Babe 9:19AM I’m busy. brb
Under the impression that Gen and I could now move on from her mistake, I tried to go back to sleep. Then my phone buzzed in my hand.
Genevieve 9:25AM I fucked your dad.
Babe 9:26AM Not funny. It’s too early to be that not funny. Call me later.
Genevieve 9:28AM I’m not trying to be funny.
Babe 9:28AM Genevieve
Genevieve 9:29AM Babe
Babe 9:30AM Genevieve
Genevieve 9:31AM Babe
Babe 9:32AM Gen
Genevieve 9:33AM Babs
Babe 9:35AM Don’t call me that.
Babe 9:37AM Why are you doing this?
Babe 9:37AM It’s fine. I’m not mad anymore kind of.
Genevieve 9:45AM Ok
Babe 9:46AM Ok what?
Genevieve 9:50AM Ok I slept with your dad while you were at rehab.
Babe 9:51AM You’re fucking insane. Being this annoyed right now is giving me wrinkles, I can feel them sprouting.
Babe 9:54AM And besides, I fucked your cousin Jon last night after he drove me home. He’s really nice.
Genevieve 9:54AM What?
Babe 9:55AM Kind of weird that he’s your cousin, though.
Babe 9:56AM He had a huge dick. It was like losing my virginity all over again.
Genevieve 9:57AM Literally Babe, the DAY after you went to rehab, your dad emailed me and was like you should come over for tea darling and all this shit.
Babe 10:02AM My dad hasn’t written one email in his life. Cheryl does them for him.
Babe 10:03AM Did you know Jon plays the bass?
Genevieve 10:04AM Your dad took me to Nobu.
Babe 10:05AM Jon asked me to come on tour with his band.
Genevieve 10:06AM The Nobu in Tribeca. In New York. New York City.
Babe 10:07AM I came six times, it was actually excessive.
Genevieve 10:08AM He fingered me in the restaurant.
Babe 10:08AM He wants to teach me how to surf.
Genevieve 10:08AM Out of all the old guys I’ve fucked, your dad is definitely the most limber.
Babe 10:08AM Between your younger brother and Jon, I preferred your younger brother.
Genevieve 10:08AM We TRAVELED together.
Babe 10:08AM I’m PREGNANT.
Genevieve 10:10AM You’re insane.
Babe 10:11AM We’re family now.
Genevieve 10:12AM So are we.
Babe 10:12AM You’re my cousin.
Genevieve 10:13AM I’m your mom.
Babe 10:13AM Bye.
Genevieve 10:14AM Ugh bye.
There’s no way Gen and my dad ever even did so much as run into each other at The Grove while I was away, much less copulate. He would never and she would never. So I knew she had to be lying. But that didn’t mean I was going to come clean about my lie anytime soon.
I fell back asleep and woke up at noon, feeling properly incubated and ready to grab life by the tits. I crawled out from under my igloo of pillows, flossed, brushed my teeth, and headed across the yard to the main house to pick up my hearty breakfast of green juice and an e-cigarette followed by a real cigarette. One of my post-rehab goals was to quit smoking. It’s a process.
As I approached the kitchen I heard two very British men talking about the stock market or cars, I can’t remember. One of the voices belonged to my dad, but the other was unidentifiable. I try not to enter rooms unless I know exactly who is inside, so I stood waiting for a bit, peering through the thin crack between the
two
TRYING TO DO MORE REGULAR-PEOPLE STUFF.
Genevieve 7:16AM What is your problem?
This was the text from Gen that I awoke to in the morning. I knew I’d have to deal with her being mad at me after I stormed out of the party, but I didn’t like the idea of her being mad at me while I was supposed to be mad at her.
Babe 9:10AM What is your problem?
Genevieve 9:10AM What do you mean?
Genevieve 9:11AM I asked you.
Genevieve 9:15AM What is your fucking problem?
Babe 9:16AM Before answering that, I’d really like to know what your fucking problem is.
Genevieve 9:18AM My problem is that I’m not clear on what your huge problem is right now.
Babe 9:19AM I’m busy. brb
Under the impression that Gen and I could now move on from her mistake, I tried to go back to sleep. Then my phone buzzed in my hand.
Genevieve 9:25AM I fucked your dad.
Babe 9:26AM Not funny. It’s too early to be that not funny. Call me later.
Genevieve 9:28AM I’m not trying to be funny.
Babe 9:28AM Genevieve
Genevieve 9:29AM Babe
Babe 9:30AM Genevieve
Genevieve 9:31AM Babe
Babe 9:32AM Gen
Genevieve 9:33AM Babs
Babe 9:35AM Don’t call me that.
Babe 9:37AM Why are you doing this?
Babe 9:37AM It’s fine. I’m not mad anymore kind of.
Genevieve 9:45AM Ok
Babe 9:46AM Ok what?
Genevieve 9:50AM Ok I slept with your dad while you were at rehab.
Babe 9:51AM You’re fucking insane. Being this annoyed right now is giving me wrinkles, I can feel them sprouting.
Babe 9:54AM And besides, I fucked your cousin Jon last night after he drove me home. He’s really nice.
Genevieve 9:54AM What?
Babe 9:55AM Kind of weird that he’s your cousin, though.
Babe 9:56AM He had a huge dick. It was like losing my virginity all over again.
Genevieve 9:57AM Literally Babe, the DAY after you went to rehab, your dad emailed me and was like you should come over for tea darling and all this shit.
Babe 10:02AM My dad hasn’t written one email in his life. Cheryl does them for him.
Babe 10:03AM Did you know Jon plays the bass?
Genevieve 10:04AM Your dad took me to Nobu.
Babe 10:05AM Jon asked me to come on tour with his band.
Genevieve 10:06AM The Nobu in Tribeca. In New York. New York City.
Babe 10:07AM I came six times, it was actually excessive.
Genevieve 10:08AM He fingered me in the restaurant.
Babe 10:08AM He wants to teach me how to surf.
Genevieve 10:08AM Out of all the old guys I’ve fucked, your dad is definitely the most limber.
Babe 10:08AM Between your younger brother and Jon, I preferred your younger brother.
Genevieve 10:08AM We TRAVELED together.
Babe 10:08AM I’m PREGNANT.
Genevieve 10:10AM You’re insane.
Babe 10:11AM We’re family now.
Genevieve 10:12AM So are we.
Babe 10:12AM You’re my cousin.
Genevieve 10:13AM I’m your mom.
Babe 10:13AM Bye.
Genevieve 10:14AM Ugh bye.
There’s no way Gen and my dad ever even did so much as run into each other at The Grove while I was away, much less copulate. He would never and she would never. So I knew she had to be lying. But that didn’t mean I was going to come clean about my lie anytime soon.
I fell back asleep and woke up at noon, feeling properly incubated and ready to grab life by the tits. I crawled out from under my igloo of pillows, flossed, brushed my teeth, and headed across the yard to the main house to pick up my hearty breakfast of green juice and an e-cigarette followed by a real cigarette. One of my post-rehab goals was to quit smoking. It’s a process.
As I approached the kitchen I heard two very British men talking about the stock market or cars, I can’t remember. One of the voices belonged to my dad, but the other was unidentifiable. I try not to enter rooms unless I know exactly who is inside, so I stood waiting for a bit, peering through the thin crack between the
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