Psychos: A White Girl Problems Book Read Online Free Page A

door and the wall.
    My dad sat with Anonymous at the island, with a cup of tea and an empty cereal bowl in front of him. I could only catch glimpses of the other guy, but I could tell he was about my age and had good hair. I figured he was safe, so I opened the door and feigned surprise when I “saw” them sitting there.
    “Oh, good morning,” I said, walking toward the fridge.
    Not only did this guy have great hair, but his smile was warm and oddly familiar. He was hot, in the most British way. Dirty blond locks, blue eyes, a solid nose. Chris Martin meets Eddie Redmayne meets Prince William. I immediately felt attracted to him, so I ignored him.
    “Glad to see you’re still getting your fiber, Dad.”
    He smiled and put his arm out, roping me into a side hug. “If it weren’t for this one here, I’d probably have keeled over by now.”
    “Dad, please! Don’t be dark.” I kissed him on the cheek and went back to the fridge, maintaining my silent treatment toward the boyfriend in my kitchen.
    Then, “Babe, you remember Charles Dean,” my dad said. I had to make eye contact now, there was no way around it.
    “Hiya, Babe,” said Charles. “It’s been a long time.”
    “Charles Dean. Charles Dean? As in fourteen-year-old Charlie Dean from London?” I asked.
    “Well, a bit more like twenty-seven-year-old Charlie Dean who now lives in New York. But yeah, same guy.”
    I hadn’t seen Charlie since I was eleven years old, but a flood of memories came rushing back when I realized who he was. His dad grew up with my dad and we’ve known each other since we were babies. Not only was he one of my first friends, he wasmy first kiss. I was eleven and there was no tongue, but it was still totally my first kiss.
    “You’re so much hotter now!” Oh fuck, I really didn’t need to say that out loud.
    “Well, thanks!” Charlie laughed. My dad was thankfully tuned out, looking at his BlackBerry. I could feel my face turning red. “Lest you forget, I was just thirteen years old when we had our fling,” he said with a wink. “I’ve grown into my teeth since then.”
    “So random, you being here.” I tried to play it cool after my minor word-vomit mishap.
    “My girlfriend’s here for work, she’s an actress and she’s doing a few episodes of Californication .”
    “Oh . . . so are you cool with your girlfriend being naked in front of millions of people? I mean, I’m assuming she has to at least show her boobs to be on that show, but I’ve never seen it, so I wouldn’t really know.”
    “Well-done. She’s playing a ‘high-class escort,’ ” Charlie said, making air quotes with his hands.
    “That’s really cute,” I lied, putting some celery stems into the juicer. I had virtually no relationship with Charlie and yet the second he said he had a girlfriend, I was annoyed. I told myself to relax, New Babe doesn’t speak jealousy. “So, you’re in town for a while?” I asked.
    “Just a few days. Figured I’d take meetings with some West Coast clients if I was going to be in LA anyhow.”
    “Charlie’s a big hedge fund guy now, aren’t ya? Doing great for himself,” my dad said with a huge grin. He’d always loved Charlie, I remembered that. I even recall thinkingCharlie might’ve secretly been my brother, which was weird because we’d kissed that one time.
    “I love the work, but it keeps me on a pretty strict schedule in New York, so just a short trip. And no offense, you all have a lovely house, but this town isn’t for me. There’s just so much—”
    “Please,” my dad interjected, “I never wanted to live in the face-lift capital of the world, but after almost thirty years, I’ve grown to love this fucked-up city.”
    “You have to be a truly open-minded person to live in a place like LA; I think that’s why I prosper here,” I said, pouring my juice into a glass and walking toward the door. “Hope your girlfriend becomes a big star. It was interesting seeing you,