Prison Ramen: Recipes and Stories from Behind Bars Read Online Free
Author: Clifton Collins
sentence.
First you go to the Hole. Then you have the equivalent of a court hearing with the captain to determine if this “spitting” was an actual assault. You’ll be checked by the medical staff to see if you have TB or any other infectious disease. If you’re cleared by medical, the captain will usually drop the charge and just keep you in the Hole for thirty to sixty days.
Spam’En Soup
Ingredients
1 pack chili flavor Ramen
1 cup boiling water
½ can (12-ounce can) Spam (any flavor), chopped
½ red onion, chopped
1 jalapeño chile, chopped
1 tablespoon chopped garlic
1. Crush the Ramen in the wrapper and empty into a microwavable bowl. Add the seasoning.
2. Add the water, stir, cover, and let sit for 8 minutes.
3. Add the Spam, onion, jalapeño, and garlic and stir.
4. Cover and microwave for 1 minute, until hot.
Hard Rock, Hard Time
by Slash
I t was the really early days of the band. One minute, Duff, our bassist, was driving the band down Melrose Avenue in broad daylight, and the next minute police were pulling us over and taking us in, and I didn’t even know why. I ended up in a holding cell, handcuffed to some other guy. Then I was packed into a big black-and-white county bus with a bunch of guys and given no explanation for where we were going. We drove around the entire day, late into the night, and continued until the early morning. We were dropping off all these guys at their city courthouses. We finally got back to L.A. County, and it took all day for me to get processed. By the time I got into my cell—a big community cell—it was nighttime again.
I had on fingernail polish and used my teeth to take all that shit off. I had to. You don’t wear nail polish in county jail! I was so miserable, jonesin’ really hard, and with all kinds of fools from the weekend’s arrests. They kept us in these smelly holding cells until they had enough guys to pack the hot, stinky bus again. I started sweating that nasty, kicking, hungover smell. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t drink, and had the shivers. The worst feeling ever! This feeling had nothing to do with jail. It’s about kicking (withdrawal) and you can’t do anything about it. I had no lawyer to call, and I felt like my life could be in danger if I stayed there any longer. L.A. County jail is no joke. Finally, I was called up by a deputy.
Someone—Axl—had put up the bail money to get me out. We had just signed a record deal, but had no record yet and not much money. I was finally told that I had been detained for a jaywalking ticket from high school. For walking across Fairfax and Beverly! Man, that was a long time ago and I had totally forgotten about that.
Apparently
they
don’t. To those of you who don’t bother with those minor infractions and choose to ignore tickets, beware. There might be a stinky holding cell waiting for you. Word to the wise: Pay your jaywalking tickets.
Slash is a rock guitarist, songwriter, and film producer whose albums have sold more than 100 million copies. He won a Grammy Award and was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame with Guns N’ Roses. His autobiography,
SLASH
, was a
New York Times
bestseller.
Slash’s Jaywalking Ramen
Ingredients
1 pack chicken flavor Ramen
1 cup boiling water
3 scallions, chopped
½ cup cooked minced pork
1 tablespoon sriracha sauce, or to taste
Note: This recipe is still a favorite snack on the tour bus.
1. Crush the Ramen in the wrapper and empty into a bowl. Add the seasoning.
2. Add the water, stir, cover and let sit for 8 minutes.
3. Mix in the scallions and pork.
4. Add the sriracha to taste.
Killing Food
by Roger Avary
I t was my hundredth day in prison. The meal that night in the commissary was shit-on-a-shingle—aka beef tips with gravy—which I couldn’t stand to smell, let alone eat. I had saved some rice from my lunch. I never went to chow without my trusty plastic bag. It fit just about a cup’s worth of food or condiments so it can
First you go to the Hole. Then you have the equivalent of a court hearing with the captain to determine if this “spitting” was an actual assault. You’ll be checked by the medical staff to see if you have TB or any other infectious disease. If you’re cleared by medical, the captain will usually drop the charge and just keep you in the Hole for thirty to sixty days.
Spam’En Soup
Ingredients
1 pack chili flavor Ramen
1 cup boiling water
½ can (12-ounce can) Spam (any flavor), chopped
½ red onion, chopped
1 jalapeño chile, chopped
1 tablespoon chopped garlic
1. Crush the Ramen in the wrapper and empty into a microwavable bowl. Add the seasoning.
2. Add the water, stir, cover, and let sit for 8 minutes.
3. Add the Spam, onion, jalapeño, and garlic and stir.
4. Cover and microwave for 1 minute, until hot.
Hard Rock, Hard Time
by Slash
I t was the really early days of the band. One minute, Duff, our bassist, was driving the band down Melrose Avenue in broad daylight, and the next minute police were pulling us over and taking us in, and I didn’t even know why. I ended up in a holding cell, handcuffed to some other guy. Then I was packed into a big black-and-white county bus with a bunch of guys and given no explanation for where we were going. We drove around the entire day, late into the night, and continued until the early morning. We were dropping off all these guys at their city courthouses. We finally got back to L.A. County, and it took all day for me to get processed. By the time I got into my cell—a big community cell—it was nighttime again.
I had on fingernail polish and used my teeth to take all that shit off. I had to. You don’t wear nail polish in county jail! I was so miserable, jonesin’ really hard, and with all kinds of fools from the weekend’s arrests. They kept us in these smelly holding cells until they had enough guys to pack the hot, stinky bus again. I started sweating that nasty, kicking, hungover smell. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t drink, and had the shivers. The worst feeling ever! This feeling had nothing to do with jail. It’s about kicking (withdrawal) and you can’t do anything about it. I had no lawyer to call, and I felt like my life could be in danger if I stayed there any longer. L.A. County jail is no joke. Finally, I was called up by a deputy.
Someone—Axl—had put up the bail money to get me out. We had just signed a record deal, but had no record yet and not much money. I was finally told that I had been detained for a jaywalking ticket from high school. For walking across Fairfax and Beverly! Man, that was a long time ago and I had totally forgotten about that.
Apparently
they
don’t. To those of you who don’t bother with those minor infractions and choose to ignore tickets, beware. There might be a stinky holding cell waiting for you. Word to the wise: Pay your jaywalking tickets.
Slash is a rock guitarist, songwriter, and film producer whose albums have sold more than 100 million copies. He won a Grammy Award and was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame with Guns N’ Roses. His autobiography,
SLASH
, was a
New York Times
bestseller.
Slash’s Jaywalking Ramen
Ingredients
1 pack chicken flavor Ramen
1 cup boiling water
3 scallions, chopped
½ cup cooked minced pork
1 tablespoon sriracha sauce, or to taste
Note: This recipe is still a favorite snack on the tour bus.
1. Crush the Ramen in the wrapper and empty into a bowl. Add the seasoning.
2. Add the water, stir, cover and let sit for 8 minutes.
3. Mix in the scallions and pork.
4. Add the sriracha to taste.
Killing Food
by Roger Avary
I t was my hundredth day in prison. The meal that night in the commissary was shit-on-a-shingle—aka beef tips with gravy—which I couldn’t stand to smell, let alone eat. I had saved some rice from my lunch. I never went to chow without my trusty plastic bag. It fit just about a cup’s worth of food or condiments so it can
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