mile, maybe two miles away, but no more. The sea was choppy and there were no boats out there today. No one who could help me. I wasnât a strong swimmer. Iâd never make the distance. I probably wouldnât make a hundred yards.
I was trapped.
I heard footsteps behind me and swung round as a sudden wave of panic hit me.
It was Crispin. He approached gingerly. âAre you OK, Karen? Weâve got to hold things together.â
He looked so lean and handsome, standing there in the wind, that my panic was replaced with a deep sadness. âWhy did it all have to go wrong, Crispin?â I sobbed, refusing to call him Cris like all the others did. âWhy did we ever have to meet that bitch, Rachel?â
âWhoa, hold on. This isnât about her.â
âIt is. Sheâs infected everything. If sheâd never been part of our group, you and I would still have been together, donât you understand? Weâd have travelled the world, got married. Had kids⦠Had a fucking life!â The words were pouring out of me now. I no longer had any control over them. Over anything. âBut instead it all went to shit. Someone killed her and it was never the same again, and Iâve been punished ever since. I lost you, and I married a man I didnât love, and then, when I finally did have something beautiful in my life, I lost her too.â I pictured Lily, with her round soft cheeks and infectious little laugh â only five months old when she died. âI lost my little girl, Crispin. My child. Havenât I been punished enough already without all this?â
As the knife Iâd been holding all this time clattered to the decking, he took me in his arms and held me tight. âItâs OK, Karen,â he whispered. âItâs going to be OK.â
I wished he hadnât called me Karen. I wished heâd called me âlittle chickâ or âbabyâ or any of the other pet names heâd used when we were seeing each other. Karen seemed so formal. But I tried not to think about that and held him back just as tightly, my head buried in his shoulder, taking in his scent, soaking up our memories, allowing his presence to calm me.
My sobbing stopped as the grief temporarily subsided. âWhat are we going to do, Crispin? Weâve got to find a way off this place.â
He nodded. âI know, and we will. But first things first, we need to get back to the house. Itâs dangerous out here.â He looked around.
âIt might be dangerous back there too. We left the back door open, didnât we?â
âWeâve still got knives.â He pulled his from his backpack. âAnd there are four of us and one of him, so the odds are in our favour.â
âWhat do you thinkâs happened to Charlie? Surely he canât have done this?â It was impossible to imagine a man like Charlie â out of shape from too much good living, and looking like Bertie Wooster in his silk pyjamas and slippers â deliberately severing the head of a woman whoâd once been his friend, and using it to taunt us.
Crispin took a deep breath. âGod alone knows. Nothing would surprise me after what weâve just seen. Come on, letâs go back to the house.â
I could see the other two waiting on the beach, and I picked up my knife and walked back along the jetty with Crispin, pulling out my cigarettes and lighter from the sleeve of my hoodie and lighting up. Right now, I didnât care who saw me smoking.
âI didnât know you smoked as well,â said Marla as we reached the other two. âCan I have one?â
I didnât know
you
smoked either,â said Crispin, with a half-smile, aiming the comment at Marla, and once again I was uncomfortably aware of an intimacy between them. âAll right,â he continued, âback to the house, everyone, keep your eyes peeled and your knives out. As soon as weâre back