Breaking Free Read Online Free Page B

her time, scooping out the gluey paste and spreading it on her cheeks. Then she drew on dark eyes, rosy cheeks, red lips. By the time the clients came in, she looked like an entirely different being. She closed her eyes forcefully. She shut out the world and left her body. She pictured herself drifting into a sea of white nothingness … disappearing completely.

 
     
    “For myself it was too late. I felt like I had died. I had no idea where to go. My life was in darkness.”
     
    ~ Somaly Mam
    I Was Once You
    Somaly lived at the brothel for three brutal years. It wasn’t exactly “living.” It was numbing her body and her mind, again and again. Most of her waking hours felt helpless, hopeless, and bleak.
    Somaly tried to run away from the meebons . A few times there were clients who promised to marry her and get her out of the system. But they were all liars. Each time she tried to flee, she was caught and tortured. After a while, she stopped plotting her escapes and just prayed for the morning, when she could boil more tamarind leaves to cleanse her body and try to sleep.
    When the meebons discovered that Somaly was good at cleaning, they made her do some of the housework, too. They were kind to Somaly as long as she followed their orders. Over time, they even trusted her to stay alone in the house or to take care of the younger girls.
    Every time a new girl was brought in, Somaly felt like she was dying a little bit more. Some girls already knew what was happening, but a lot of them walked in completely unaware. A “long-lost uncle” promised to take them to school. Or a “family friend” swore she knew of an easy way to make money. The worst was when girls were brought in by their own parents who sold them to Aunty Peuve for a small wad of cash—right in front of their faces.
    How can you do this?! Somaly wanted to scream. But she knew it wouldn’t help to say any of this out loud. She tried always to give the new girls a gentle smile and sterilize their fresh cuts and bruises after their first night behind the scarves. That was all she could do.
    Or was it?
    There was something about those two new girls. They were a few years younger than Somaly, maybe thirteen or fourteen. Their hair was dark and shiny, laughing down their backs like hers used to do, too. Somaly watched as Aunty Peuve shoved them into a corner and tied them to a wooden pillar with wet rags.
    Somaly felt like she was watching her younger self being led into this hell. Everything about their darting looks and untouched skin seemed so hopeful and desperate at the same time. They still smelled like soap and innocence. Seeing them tied up in the corner made Somaly wince like her whole body was knotted with pain. It was like rewinding her life … but maybe with the chance to play out a new ending.
    She had given up on saving herself. She already felt dead inside. But she couldn’t take her eyes off those two girls huddled together. She couldn’t sit still and watch this happen to someone else again.
    She knew she’d be punished. Her skin was already stinging with the memory of her last lashing. She could envision the snakes in the cellar without even closing her eyes. But she was done being trapped by fear. She stared at the new girls’ long hair and still-bright eyes. They had no idea how dark and hellish this existence could be.
    Somaly was their only way out.
    She had to be stealthy and smart. She waited until Aunty Peuve left to run errands. There was little light inside, but she guessed it was midday because there were no customers and only one guard by the staircase. Somaly knew this guard; he was fat and lazy and usually drunk on rice wine. Somaly stared at him out of the corner of her eye until he melted into a heavy, snoring sleep. Then she crawled over to the new girls without making a sound. She was quieter than a stone. It was like she’d practiced for this moment for the past three years, locking away all her words and emotions