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Then she gave Somaly cloth bandages from the supply closet to put in her underwear and told her she was a real woman now.
    Somaly thanked her. But inside she was screaming with new fear and shame. Her body was truly not hers anymore.

 
     
    “I believe in reality. Only you can drive your life and make decisions on how you want yourself to be.”
     
    ~Somaly Mam
    Untouched and Untouchable
    One day, Than left for a battle along the border. He was supposed to come back in a few days. The days turned into weeks … then a month. Somaly was pretty sure he was dead. There was no part of her that was sad he was gone, but she also didn’t know where she could go to live safely on her own.
    Grandfather showed up at her door with a “solution.”
    He told Somaly to pack her bag. They were going to the capital, Phnom Penh. Phnom Penh was wild and noisy compared with the tiny villages and forests where Somaly had lived. Instead of walking paths and huts made of leaves, there were “roads” made of mud, stones, and garbage. There were also rickety buildings, huge open-air markets, and nightclubs.
    Grandfather brought Somaly to a woman named Aunty Nop. She lived in a filthy apartment off the central market. Aunty Nop had a wide, pudgy face covered in makeup so thick and bright it looked like a Halloween mask. Somaly couldn’t tell if the woman was supposed to be a demon or a geisha doll. Aunty Nop scowled at Somaly and then talked to Grandfather in mumbles before he left.
    Aunty Nop told Somaly to put on a special dress and clunky shoes. Then she smeared Somaly’s face with the same white, pasty makeup as she used, so Somaly looked like a geisha-demon, too. They walked through a maze of dark alleys to another building that was rotting from the inside out. There were two floors with a cooking pit and sleeping pallets made of grass and dirt. On each pallet was another girl putting on the exact same mask and costume. Even though most of the girls’ dresses were made of silk, they pulled them on slowly, like they were made of lead.
    Somaly couldn’t get enough air to breathe. She knew already that there was something very wrong in this horrible place. Stocky armed guards were posted by the door. The huge room stank of sweat and sadness. The girls on the grass pallets didn’t even look up at Somaly as another woman, named Aunty Peuve, showed her around. Everyone looked so tired and small.
    Aunty Peuve had a short conference with Aunty Nop. Then she took Somaly to a little private room in the back. (Private because there were a few scarves strung up to keep this corner separate.) Aunty Peuve said she was going to bring Somaly her first client. Somaly knew exactly what was going on now, but she also couldn’t let it be true. She thought the walls would come crashing down on her. Maybe the sky, too.
    Actually, she longed for that to happen. But it didn’t.
    One of the girls warned Somaly that she’d better do as she was told or she’d be beaten senseless.
    Somaly told Aunty Peuve that she refused to have sex with anyone. Aunty Peuve slapped her and brought the man in anyway. Somaly stood in front of him, shaking. Every inch of her skin felt like it was on fire. There were no windows. No doors except the one flanked with guards. Nothing but this horrifying moment where the world was spinning so fast she couldn’t see straight, and there was no way to stop this man from coming toward her.
    Somaly tried. She definitely tried. She fought that first man mightily. He was tall and strong. She was like a pinned butterfly, struggling to break free and fly away, but caught in his grip. When she was bruised and bloody from his fists, he raped her. Then, to prove he was still in charge and she was utterly helpless, he raped her a second time.
    The next night was even worse. Aunty Peuve was furious at Somaly for causing so much trouble. She said Grandfather owed a lot of money and it was up to Somaly to pay off his debt. So Aunty Peuve sent