Yes Man Read Online Free

diary. Hanne had been right. Ian had been right. Everyone had been right … except me. As I flicked my way through the months that had flown by, I realised with horror that probably the most excitement I’d had was on April 18, when I’d gone to PC World to buy a new printer cartridge. Suddenly that didn’t seem like enough. I mean, yeah, at a push I could probably scrape a short anecdote out of it, but still … It was hardly one to save for the grandchildren, was it?
    And hang on—
what
grandchildren? I was already twenty-six, and there wasn’t even a
hint
of a grandchild down the pipeline! Who was I going to tell all my stories to when I was old? Who was I going to impress with my tales of short, uneventful walks to PC World, and me worrying that there wasn’t going to be the right kind of printer cartridge in stock, but it being all right because in the end there actually was?
    And who was going to
give
me grandchildren? Well, my kid, obviously, butwho was going to give me one of
those?
Maybe I’d already missed out on the woman of my dreams! Maybe she’d been out there, waiting for me all this time, but she’d got bored and moved on? Maybe she’d been working in the buffet car the night they painted Tom’s privates blue! She certainly hadn’t been in PC World!
    My ambition had turned to panic. Who knew what I had already missed out on in life? Now I would never know what
might
have happened, who I
might
have met, what I might have done, where I
might
have ended up, how different life
could
have been. And my friends … how many connections had I lost? How many people would simply have gotten used to me not being there and given up on me?
    I was angry at myself. I had wasted half my year. Half a year
gone
. Thrown away. Swapped for toast and evenings in front of the telly. It was all here—or, rather, it
wasn’t—
in black and white, and blue and red. Every dull nonentry was a sharp slap in the face.
    I had to get back out there. I had to start living life rather than just living.
    And it was obvious how.
    Say yes more.
    I would say yes more. Saying yes more would get me out of this rut. It would rekindle my love for life. It would bring back the old me. The me that had died a little the day I’d been dumped. I just needed a little kick-start. A little fun. A chance to live in a completely different way. I could treat it like an experiment. A study in my own behaviour. A study in positivity and opportunity and chance.
    This was serious. This went beyond what Hanne would have called a “stupid boy project,” because now … now I was dealing with a whole new
way of life
.
    My mind was racing. This could work. But how should I approach it? How would I say yes more?
    I decided I needed to tackle the problem quickly and efficiently. If I could spend just a day on this, surely that would be all I’d need? I’d go out to whatever was happening, hang out with whoever wanted to, and let life just lead the way. I’d surrender myself for twenty-four hours, answer everything with a yes, and let opportunity and chance boot me out of this midtwenties crisis.
    I started to get ready for bed.
    A day. Yes. A day. A day of relentless positivity. What harm could that do? A day of saying yes. Yes to anything. Anything and everything.
    A day of being a Yes Man.
    Yes.
    *   *   *
    “Hello, can I speak to Mr. Wallace, please?”
    “Yes!”
    “Hello, Mr. Wallace. I’m phoning from Mark 1 Double Glazing in London. Would you have a moment to talk about double glazing, sir?”
    “Yes!”
    “Have you ever thought about having your house or apartment equipped with double glaze at all?”
    “Yes!”
    “And have you been at all put off in the past by high prices?”
    “Yes, I have. Yes.”
    “Can I ask you, would you be interested in a free, no-obligation quote for double glaze on your property, Mr. Wallace?”
    “Yes!”
    “Okay … Well, what we can do is, we can certainly send one of our representatives around