Yes Man Read Online Free Page A

to your place of residence. Is there a particular time or day that’s good for you?”
    “Yes.”
    “Uh-huh … and … when would that be?”
    “You suggest a time.”
    “Right. How are you fixed for Tuesday, Mr. Wallace?”
    “Yes, Tuesday. Yes.”
    “Two o’clock?”
    “Yes.”
    “Okay, let me just make a note…. So, that’s Tuesday, at—”
    “Um … I should warn you, though. My windows are already double glazed.”
    “You’re what, sorry?”
    “I already have double glaze throughout my flat.”
    “Right … so … Sorry, I don’t …”
    “I’m just saying, I’ve already got plenty of double glazing, but you shouldn’t let that put you off. Life should be all about taking opportunities, you know? The best things that ever happened to us happened because we said yes, just like the man on the bus told me. I realise that now.”
    “Well, wait a second … Why would you want a quote?”
    “Sorry?”
    “Why would you want a quote on double glazing, when you’ve already got double glazed?”
    “Well, you asked, and—”
    “Just seems like a bit of a waste of everyone’s time, Mr. Wallace …”
    “I just thought it might be nice. Maybe you could come round and tell me what you think of the double glaze I’ve already got. We could have some tea. You could still give me a quote if you like.”
    “I have to go now, Mr. Wallace, okay?”
    “Yes.”
    And that is how my Yes experiment started—confusing a cold-caller with my unnerving desire to discuss all aspects of double glazing.
    I’d woken up only minutes before and was now lying in bed with a grin on my face and a head full of thoughts. What should I do? Where should I go? How should I begin?
    But that wasn’t up to me. None of it was. I had to see how things went. I had to go with the flow. I got up and switched my computer on, willing it to provide me with all the opportunities I’d been batting away only a day before. I had a few e-mails and quickly scanned through them.
    One was from Hanne. Could we have a chat? Yes.
    Another was from my good friend Wag. Did I fancy a pint sometime? Yes.
    Another was from a complete stranger. Would I like a bigger penis? Ye—hang on. Who was this from?
    Would you like a bigger penis? New Penis Patch Technology now means thousands of men just like you can …
    Oh. Spam. Still, I’d rather it was a piece of spam than a suggestion from an ex-girlfriend. My cursor hovered over the Delete button, an instant reaction formed by thousands of similar unsolicited e-mails in the past, but then I realised that wasn’t the spirit. Or the attitude. Or the game.
    So I said yes. And I laughed. Then I clicked on the link, added my credit-card information, and ordered the Amazing Penis Patch. Well, it couldn’t hurt, could it? Not unless you put it on wrong.
    I filled the kettle and scratched around in the cupboard, looking for something to eat. I found a small box of Cocoa Pops that I didn’t know I had and was absolutely delighted.
    I walked back to the computer, hoping that in the five minutes since I’d writtenback to Hanne and Wag, they’d replied with suggested times and places. But they hadn’t. So, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I sat down at my computer and drafted an e-mail. When I’d done that, I sent it to every friend I felt I’d let down, or said no to, or hadn’t seen in too long.
    This is what I wrote:
    To : Mates
    From: Danny
    Subject: Me, you, and us
    Hey there,
    Listen. It’s been too long. That’s my fault, and I’m sorry. But I’ve changed. I’m going to be more like the old me now. So, if you fancy meeting up … let me know.
    Your pal (I hope),
    Danny
    I felt oddly cleansed. But then I decided to up the ante. I phoned Hanne.
    “Hey, Hanne, it’s Danny.”
    “Hey, Dan. You got my e-mail?”
    “I did. And yes, I would
love
to meet up for a chat.”
    “Okay … in town for a coffee? Today?”
    “Yes.”
    “Fourish?”
    “Fine.”
    “I’ll meet you by Covent