Wishes and Tears Read Online Free

unpacking.’
    Despite all the apprehension she had had about coming here, Janet felt that she had found a friend.
    â€˜This is nice,’ said Freda as she hung Janet’s skirt on a hanger. ‘Looks like you’ve got some nice things.’
    â€˜They won’t fit me for very long.’
    â€˜Don’t worry about that. The sisters will soon have you knitting and sewing so you can make yourself a new skirt. Can you knit?’
    Janet nodded. ‘But I’m not very good at sewing.’ She put her nightdress under the pillow and hung her dressing gown on the hook behind the door. ‘What’s it like here?’
    â€˜It ain’t bad, I suppose—bit like a prison really, not that I’ve been inside, but we can’t do what we like and they’re forever telling us we should be grateful that they’re looking after us after what we done. And we do have a lot of prayers, mostly about him up there forgiving us for what we did.’ She raised her eyes to the ceiling. ‘Fallen women, that’s what we are.’ She laughed.
    â€˜Who was here?’ asked Janet as she sat on the bed to test the springs.
    â€˜Maisie. Nice kid. Think she had a boy. We don’t come back after we leave the hospital and so if you ain’t got your mate’s address you can’t keep in touch.’
    The dinner gong reverberated round the room.
    â€˜Come on, follow me.’ Freda was out of the door.
    The meal of beans on toast wasn’t very exciting but it was adequate.
    After tea and prayers Janet was shown into the doctor’s room.
    The doctor was a short, round balding man with bright blue eyes. ‘Right, take your knickers off and get up on the bed.’ He had cold stubby fingers that prodded and probed at Janet’s very private parts. She felt humiliated and dirty. The doctor she had seen at Horsham had been kinder and apologized if he thought he was hurting her, but Dr Winter appeared to take a fiendish delight in making her jump.
    â€˜Get dressed, young lady. Everything seems to be in order,’ he said, moving towards the sink and washing his hands. ‘I will examine you every week, take your blood pressure and generally keep my eye on you. If at any time you feel unwell or have a show of blood you must report it at once.’ He dried his hands and sat at his desk and began writing. ‘That’s all, you can go now.’
    Janet stood outside the door for a few moments. If only Sam knew what he was putting her through would he have stood by her? She didn’t think he would. Besides, how many other little Sams were there? One evening, just a few minutes, that’s all it took and she hadn’t even enjoyed it that much. Now this was the result. She moved towards the day room. She didn’t think he would be concerned at her plight, and after all she could have made it clearer she meant it when she said no.
    â€˜So you’ve met our Dr Winter then,’ said Freda later that evening as they were getting undressed ready for bed. ‘He’s got bloody cold hands, ain’t he? I’m sure he runs ‘em under the cold tap just to make us squirm. Winter be name and Winter be nature.’ Freda laughed.
    Janet took her diary from her handbag and began writing.
    â€˜What you doing?’
    â€˜Just writing in my diary.’
    â€˜Do you do it every day?’
    â€˜No, only when I’ve got something important to write about.’
    â€˜Oh, I see.’
    When they were in bed Freda told Janet lights out was at nine thirty, and woe betide any one who was caught with their light on after that.
    â€˜It’s the bloody great gap under the door that gives the game away,’ said Freda. ‘And those nuns creep about like the Lord Jesus Christ himself. Sometimes they frighten the life out of you when they speak and you don’t know they’re there.’
    â€˜What do they do to you if you get caught?’