Ubu Plays, The Read Online Free Page B

BOGGERLAS remains alone in an attitude of ecstasy.

SCENE SIX
     
    The King’s Palace.
     
    PA UBU, MA UBU, CAPTAIN MACNURE.
    PA UBU. No! nothing doing, I say! Do you want to ruin me just for these buffoons ?
    CAPTAIN MACNURE. But look here, Old Ubu, don’t you see that your people are expecting gifts to celebrate your glorious coronation ?
    MA UBU. If you don’t give them a great feast and plenty of gold, you’ll be overthrown in a couple of hours.
    PA UBU. A feast, yes, but money, never! Slaughter three old nags, that’s quite good enough for such scum.
    MA UBU. Scum yourself! How did such a crummy creature as you ever get slapped together ?
    PA UBU. Do I have to repeat myself? I intend to get rich, I won’t fork out a penny.
    MA UBU. Don’t forget you hold in your hands all the treasure of Poland !
    CAPTAIN MACNURE. Yes, I know where there’s a vast hoard hidden in the chapel; let’s distribute that.
    PA UBU. Just you try that on, you wretch.
    CAPTAIN MACNURE. Listen, Old Ubu, if you don’t distribute some money, no one will want to pay their taxes.
    PA UBU. Is that really true?
    MA UBU. Yes, yes!
    PA UBU. Oh, in that case, I agree to everything. Bring up two or three million gold pieces, roast a hundred and fifty oxen and the same number of sheep, and see that there’s plenty left over for me.
     
    They go out.

SCENE SEVEN
     
    The Courtyard of the Palace, full of People.
     
    PA UBU, crowned, MA UBU, CAPTAIN MACNURE, LACKEYS loaded with dishes of roast meat.
    PEOPLE. There’s the King! Long live the King! Hurrah!
    PA UBU (throwing gold). Here, you, catch. Don’t thank me. All this throwing gold away is no pleasure to me at all, but my old woman insisted. At least, promise you’ll pay your taxes now.
    ALL. Yes, yes!
    CAPTAIN MACNURE. Just look, Madam Ubu, how they are fighting over the gold. What a battle!
    MA UBU. Perfectly dreadful! Ugh! there’s one who’s had his skull bashed in.
    PA UBU. What a beautiful sight! Bring up more chests of gold. CAPTAIN MACNURE. How about organizing a race?
    PA UBU. Yes, that’s an idea. (To the PEOPLE.) My friends, you see this chest full of gold ? It contains three hundred thousand rose-nobles in gold, all genuine Polish coin of the realm. Those who want to run in the race go to the end of the courtyard. You start running when I wave my handkerchief, and the winner gets the chest. And for the losers, there’s this second chest of gold to share out as a booby prize.
    ALL. Yes! Long live Old Ubu! What a decent King! We never had fun like this during the reign of Wenceslas.
    PA UBU (to MA UBU , joyfully ) . Just listen to them!
     
    All the PEOPLE line up at the far end of the courtyard.
     
    PA UBU. One, two, three! Are you ready?
    ALL. Yes! Yes!
    PA UBU. Go!
     
    They start running. Tripping, tumbling and falling over each other. Cries and tumult.
     
    CAPTAIN MACNURE. They’re coming! They’re coming!
    PA UBU. Ha! The one in front is losing ground.
    MA UBU. No, he’s ahead again.
    CAPTAIN MACNURE. Oh! he’s losing, he’s losing! All over! It’s the other one.
     
    The one who had been second finishes first.
    ALL. Long live Michael Federovitch ! Long live Michael Federovitch !
    MICHAEL FEDEROVITCH. Sire, I really don’t know how to thank Your Majesty ...
    PA UBU. Oh, my dear friend, it’s nothing. Take that chest home with you, Michael. And the rest of you share the other chest: each take a gold piece until there are none left.
    ALL. Long live Michael Federovitch ! Long live Old Ubu
    PA UBU. All of you, my friends, come and dine with me. The gates of my palace are open to you today, please honour me with your presence at table.
    PEOPLE. In we go! In we go! Long live Old Ubu! The noblest of all monarchs !
     
    They enter the Palace. The noise of the orgy, which lasts till the following day, can be heard. The curtain falls.

Act Three
     

SCENE ONE
     
    The Palace.
     
    PA UBU, MA UBU.
     
    PA UBU. By my green candle, behold me, monarch of this fair land. I’ve