Ubu Plays, The Read Online Free

him, and that will be the signal for you all to hurl yourselves on him.
    MA UBU. Yes, and the moment he’s dead, you’ll take his crown and sceptre.
    CAPTAIN MACNURE. And I and my men will go in pursuit of the royal family.
    PA UBU. Yes, and keep a special look-out for young Boggerlas.
     
    They go out.
    PA UBU runs after them and makes them come back.
     
    Gentlemen, we have forgotten an indispensable ceremony. We must take an oath to quit ourselves like men.
    CAPTAIN MACNURE. How can we? We haven’t got a priest.
    PA UBU. My old woman will act as priest.
    ALL. All right, so be it.
    PA UBU. And so you all swear to kill the King good and proper ?
    ALL. We swear it. Long live Old Ubu!

Act Two
     

SCENE ONE
     
    The King’s Palace.
     
    WENCESLAS, QUEEN ROSAMUND, BOLESLAS, LADISLAS and BOGGERLAS.
     
    THE KING. Prince Boggerlas, you were extremely cheeky this morning to Master Ubu, Knight of my Orders and Count of Sandomir. Therefore I forbid you to appear at our Grand Review.
    THE QUEEN. But, Wenceslas, you will need every single member of your family around you to protect you vigilantly today.
    THE KING. Madam, I never take back what I’ve said. You bore me with your idle chatter.
    BOGGERLAS. My royal father, I submit.
    THE QUEEN. Really, Sire, are you quite determined to attend this Parade ?
    THE KING. Pray, Madam, why not?
    THE QUEEN. I’ll tell you once more. I saw him in a dream, smiting you with massed weapons and throwing you into the Vistula, and an eagle like that which figures in the Arms of Poland placing the crown on his head.
    THE KING. Whose head?
    THE QUEEN. Old Ubu’s.
    THE KING. Ridiculous! The Lord Ubu is a most worthy gentleman who would let himself be dragged apart by wild horses rather than betray my interests.
    THE QUEEN and BOGGERLAS (together). How wrong you are!
    THE KING, Silence, young rascal. And as for you, Madam, to show you what complete confidence I have in Master Ubu, I shall attend the Grand Review as I am, without sword and breastplate.
    THE QUEEN. What fatal rashness! I shall never see you again alive.
    THE KING. Come, Ladislas. Come, Boleslas.
     
    They go out. THE QUEEN and BOGGERLAS go to the window.
     
    THE QUEEN and BOGGERLAS (together). May God and the great Saint Nicholas protect you!
    THE QUEEN. Boggerlas, accompany me to the chapel to pray for your father and your brothers.

SCENE TWO
     
    The Parade Ground.
     
    THE POLISH ARMY, THE KING, BOLESLAS, LADISLAS, PA UBU, CAPTAIN MACNURE and his MERRY MEN, GYRON, HEADS, TAILS.
     
    THE KING. Noble Master Ubu, enter the royal enclosure with your followers, and we will review the march past together.
    PA UBU (to his HENCHMEN). Look sharp, you clots. (To THE KING.) Coming, Sire, coming.
     
    UBU’S MEN surround THE KING.
     
    THE KING. Ah, there’s my regiment of Danziger Horseguards. What a magnificent spectacle!
    PA UBU. You think so ? They look to me like something the cat brought in. Look at that one! (Pointing to a soldier.) How many days since you last had a shave, you lousy scum ?
    THE KING. But this soldier is very well turned out. What on earth is the matter with you, Old Ubu ?
    PA UBU. This! (He stamps on THE KING’S foot,)
    THE KING. Treason!
    PA UBU. PSCHITT. Rally round me, my fine fellows.
    CAPTAIN MACNURE. Up guards and at him! Hurrah!
     
    All strike THE KING. A PALCONTENT explodes.
     
    THE KING. Help, help! Holy Virgin, I’m dying.
    BOLESLAS (to LADISLAS). What’s going on? Have at them!
    PA UBU. Ha! I have the crown. Now for the others.
    CAPTAIN MACNURE. Death to the traitors!
     
    The King’s SONS flee. All pursue them.

SCENE THREE
     
    THE QUEEN and BOGGERLAS.
     
    THE QUEEN. At last I begin to feel reassured.
    BOGGERLAS. You have nothing to be afraid of. (A fearful din is heard outside.) Oh no! What do I see? My two brothers pursued by Old Ubu and his men.
    THE QUEEN. Oh God! Holy Virgin, they are losing ground.
    BOGGERLAS. The whole army is following Ubu. The King is no longer there. It’s horrible.