Too Many Crooks Spoil the Broth Read Online Free Page B
might even bring a smile to Freni's lips.
"Very well, Mrs. Ream. Oh, there is one thing. In addition to being the manager and owner, I might add I'm also the bellboy. Now, I would be happy to bring all your bags in myself, except that - "
"No need to say more. Please Delbert, be a darling and get the bags." She had half-turned to Delbert James, who had been standing impassively in the background. She turned back to me. "This is a very charming place you have here, Mrs. - ?"
"Yoder. It's Miss Yoder. Magdalena Yoder. Thank you."
"Not at all. Perhaps when you have a moment you can tell me all about life here in Hershey, Pennsylvania."
"That's Hernia." I stole a glance at the Congressman, who, it happened, was glowering at me from his safe position slightly to the rear of his wife.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Hershey's the chocolate town. The PennDutch is located in Hernia, Pennsylvania."
Lydia Ream laughed then. Actually it was more of a chuckle, but people of her class don't chuckle, do they? "I would love to hear all about Hernia, then."
At that moment the impassive but not bad-looking Delbert James came back in with the first load of luggage. Reluctantly, I gathered up the three necessary keys and led the way through the back hallway and up the unfortunately steep stairs. Mrs. Ream followed directly behind me, and the whole way I was acutely conscious of that fact that I am not a size six with toddler-sized shoes who could move with the grace of a ballerina. So, my ancestors were peasants, can I help it?
And wouldn't you know, this time I didn't even make it all the way back to the sitting room before the next and final guest of the day arrived. Would that I had!
3
I got back to the sitting room to find Susannah and a man engaged in animated conversation by the check-in counter. Immediately my blood began to boil. Fortunately I am not like Freni, who takes a long time to build up steam and then explodes, sometimes with dire consequences. I'm constantly exploding - little tiny puffs, which, like flatulence, are temporarily noxious but ultimately harmless.
When it comes to Susannah, the puffs may be louder, but there is always justification. Susannah, I'm sorry to say, is a slovenly, slothful slut. I know, that's a terrible thing to say about one's own sister, and both Mama and Papa would rollover in their graves if they heard me, but it's the plain truth.
It was bad enough when Susannah married the Presbyterian, but when she divorced him and began sleeping with other men, she became a full-fledged adulteress in the eyes of my church and just about everybody living in the environs of Hernia,
Pennsylvania. Susannah is the first person ever in my entire family history, which can be traced back to sixteenth-century Swiss roots, to get a divorce. Believe me, I'm not judging her. If she had to get a divorce, then she had to. But what she should have done afterward was to withdraw from the public view and buckle down to work here at the inn. Not Susannah!
Susannah is constantly running around, not only in Hernia, but as far away as Somerset and Bedford. She chews gum like a cow munching alfalfa. She wears makeup, perms her hair, and even paints her nails! In the summertime she frequently wears sleeveless dresses, and once I actually caught her wearing shorts. And of course you know where these ideas come from -
TV! Susannah keeps a portable TV in her room, even though I won't allow her to put up an antenna.
Please don't get me wrong. There's nothing immoral about wanting to get out into the world. As you already know, I myself want to travel some day. It is, however, possible to deport oneself modestly and with decorum. And of course, one must never, ever sleep with a man outside the bounds of matrimony. And I'm not just talking about the risk of getting AIDS here, I'm talking about sin, something
"Very well, Mrs. Ream. Oh, there is one thing. In addition to being the manager and owner, I might add I'm also the bellboy. Now, I would be happy to bring all your bags in myself, except that - "
"No need to say more. Please Delbert, be a darling and get the bags." She had half-turned to Delbert James, who had been standing impassively in the background. She turned back to me. "This is a very charming place you have here, Mrs. - ?"
"Yoder. It's Miss Yoder. Magdalena Yoder. Thank you."
"Not at all. Perhaps when you have a moment you can tell me all about life here in Hershey, Pennsylvania."
"That's Hernia." I stole a glance at the Congressman, who, it happened, was glowering at me from his safe position slightly to the rear of his wife.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Hershey's the chocolate town. The PennDutch is located in Hernia, Pennsylvania."
Lydia Ream laughed then. Actually it was more of a chuckle, but people of her class don't chuckle, do they? "I would love to hear all about Hernia, then."
At that moment the impassive but not bad-looking Delbert James came back in with the first load of luggage. Reluctantly, I gathered up the three necessary keys and led the way through the back hallway and up the unfortunately steep stairs. Mrs. Ream followed directly behind me, and the whole way I was acutely conscious of that fact that I am not a size six with toddler-sized shoes who could move with the grace of a ballerina. So, my ancestors were peasants, can I help it?
And wouldn't you know, this time I didn't even make it all the way back to the sitting room before the next and final guest of the day arrived. Would that I had!
3
I got back to the sitting room to find Susannah and a man engaged in animated conversation by the check-in counter. Immediately my blood began to boil. Fortunately I am not like Freni, who takes a long time to build up steam and then explodes, sometimes with dire consequences. I'm constantly exploding - little tiny puffs, which, like flatulence, are temporarily noxious but ultimately harmless.
When it comes to Susannah, the puffs may be louder, but there is always justification. Susannah, I'm sorry to say, is a slovenly, slothful slut. I know, that's a terrible thing to say about one's own sister, and both Mama and Papa would rollover in their graves if they heard me, but it's the plain truth.
It was bad enough when Susannah married the Presbyterian, but when she divorced him and began sleeping with other men, she became a full-fledged adulteress in the eyes of my church and just about everybody living in the environs of Hernia,
Pennsylvania. Susannah is the first person ever in my entire family history, which can be traced back to sixteenth-century Swiss roots, to get a divorce. Believe me, I'm not judging her. If she had to get a divorce, then she had to. But what she should have done afterward was to withdraw from the public view and buckle down to work here at the inn. Not Susannah!
Susannah is constantly running around, not only in Hernia, but as far away as Somerset and Bedford. She chews gum like a cow munching alfalfa. She wears makeup, perms her hair, and even paints her nails! In the summertime she frequently wears sleeveless dresses, and once I actually caught her wearing shorts. And of course you know where these ideas come from -
TV! Susannah keeps a portable TV in her room, even though I won't allow her to put up an antenna.
Please don't get me wrong. There's nothing immoral about wanting to get out into the world. As you already know, I myself want to travel some day. It is, however, possible to deport oneself modestly and with decorum. And of course, one must never, ever sleep with a man outside the bounds of matrimony. And I'm not just talking about the risk of getting AIDS here, I'm talking about sin, something
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