The Vampire Club Read Online Free

a popular Beach Boys hit.
    Outside, I heard a student grumble: “Damned vampire lovers.”
    He came back minutes later, gasping for breath. “Congratulations,” we all said together, Professor L included. “You are now a Vampire Club member!”
    Did I mention that he was also the most physically fit guy I’ve ever seen in my life? No? Then did I mention that Janice was staring at him like he was Apollo incarnate? No? It now appeared I had some very sizable competition.
    Maybe my welcome had been a little too warm.
     
     
     
    Chapter Six
     
     
    Professor L had somehow managed to scrape up the money from the university to finance our plane tickets, tapping some obscure fund designed to promote undergrad experiential education. Whatever that means, it probably wasn’t established for vampire hunting.
    But as for lodgings, we were on our own. That’s when the new guy, Dial, came through for us. He had some relatives in Pennsylvania—he apparently had lots of relatives everywhere—and they were located in the exact city where we were headed. Believe me, I wasn’t the only one with my mouth hanging open and attracting flies. The house was even supposed to be large enough to house the six of us.
    Janice took the seat next to Dial’s. I sat behind her in case they lowered their voices and got all cozy. The plane touched down and Dial’s relatives were waiting for us in two rather large Ford Bronco SUVs.
    There were six relatives, in their early-to-mid twenties. Four were bronzed males with muscles that would have made the pre-political Schwarzenneger jealous, and two were Mayan goddesses, stony but stacked.
    Juan spoke for all of us. “These are your relatives?”
    Dial looked at them. “Yes, mostly cousins.”
    Buddy whispered in my ear, “They all look like your mom.”
    “ That big?”
    I studied them. Naw, they weren’t that big.
    Two walked over and scooped up our luggage in their python-like arms. They literally threw them in the backs of their oversized Broncos.
    I swore under my breath. If they dent or tear one of my Anne Rice books....
    I blinked and looked at his relatives again, and my anger gave way to acceptance. I just wouldn’t look upon them too favorably. I would definitely look up to them, just not favorably, you see. Besides, they were being hospitable.
    They split us up between the two war wagons, and my sweetie-to-be, Janice, ended up in the other truck. If one of those gorillas laid one finger on her honey flesh...I’d just...I’d go right up to the perpetrator and...kick the gorilla in the balls and run like hell, even if I needed a stepladder.
    I’d satisfied myself that Corey Haim would have conducted himself in the same manner. I’d even bid on the molar Corey Haim had tried to sell on eBay, during one of those many periods when drug addiction had left him homeless. I’d run around with my jar of allowance, yelling “I want the tooth and nothing but the tooth!”
    Silly boys. Lost boys.
    The small town of Dissolution, Pennsylvania was not very lively. Hard to believe that the town actually mustered enough energy to combat our buried vampire over one hundred and eighty years ago.
    One of the she-warriors was sitting next to me. She smiled and rubbed me with her elbow. I think the gesture was supposed to be under the category of flirtation, but she almost rubbed me out the door.
    What’s a guy to do? “Er, hi. What company you serve under?”
    Her eyes lit up. “Navy SEALS, recon, ballistics.” She fluttered her hairy eyes. “And you?”
    “ I go to Western Virginia University.”
    “ In West Virginia?”
    “ No, Virginia. The western part of plain Virginia.”
    “ That’s confusing. What’s your major?”
    And with every ounce of pride I could muster, I said, “Vampire Studies.”
    She shrank away from me as if I had tooted. “And why do you study them?” She gave me the old “Jeez, what a geek” squint.
    “ The importance they have on our society,” I said.
    “ I