The Twilight Swimmer Read Online Free Page A

with little emotion.
    “I’m not asking you to be sorry, Brandi. I just need to understand so I can help.” Ms. Grace reached for the candy on her desk, grabbed a chocolate piece, then thought better of it and put it back. “Your loose fitting clothes. Your hair in your eyes. Head low when you walk down the hall… None of these traits are unusual for a teenager who feels alienated or even depressed. And God knows, Brandi, you’ve had a tough year.”
    “They’re the same clothes I’ve always had. They just don’t fit anymore.”
    “We both know why they don’t fit.” Ms. Grace wrung her hands, searching for words. “You’re a smart girl. Always were. I think you know exactly how an adult in my position is bound to interpret the changes you’ve undergone, and what sorts of concerns I’m bound to have. I don’t give two hoots about your suddenly poor grades. Do not repeat that, please, but it’s the truth and you deserve to know the truth. You’ll still get into a fine university, and if grades count at all in the adult world, which is debatable, how you did on Mr. Francisco’s history test certainly doesn’t.”
    “I’m doing the best I can.”
    Ms. Grace eyed Brandi suspiciously. “I’ve been honest with you, Brandi. I want you to be honest with me. You’re not doing the best you can. Not even close.” She waited for Brandi to acknowledge the point, but Brandi remained silent. “I think you’ve lost interest in school. For good reasons and bad reasons. And this new identity you’ve taken on is your way of keeping everyone off your back – your parents, your teachers and me – while you ignore your responsibilities. If we all think you’re suffering from a deep depression, we won’t hold you accountable for the poor choices you’re making.”
    “You just said grades don’t matter. What poor choice am I making?”
    “That is not what I said. Not precisely. Please don’t use that big brain of yours to twist my words or my meaning.” Ms. Grace leaned back against the couch, once again searching for the right words to say next. “You’re the spitting image of your sister, you know. You always were, and you still are. Just as smart. Just as kind. Just as pretty. I think you know it. I think you’re trying to distance yourself from her by changing who you are. By refusing to be perfect, the way you think she was perfect.”
    Brandi turned to lock eyes with Ms. Grace. “She wasn’t perfect. She was taking pills because she was so far from perfect.”
    “I didn’t know that. I didn’t know about her medication. We can talk about that if you want to, but we don’t have to—”
    Brandi turned away again and crossed her arms, closing herself off as much as she could. “Everybody wants me to take her place, to be me and to be her too. But I’m not her. Never was. Never will be. This is all you’re going to get. This is me.” Brandi shrugged her shoulders. “Sorry I’m not good enough.”
     
    When Brandi stepped out of Ms. Grace’s office and through the waiting area in the hall, she found the tall, skinny boy leaning against the lockers. He was still working on his blue sucker. He hustled over to Brandi as soon as he spotted her. “Look, I’m an asshole, alright? I mean, I’m not an asshole, but I was an asshole to you before.”
    “Don’t worry about it,” said Brandi, moving sideways to slip past him. He stepped over with her, blocking her escape.
    “I stood out here waiting for you for like, what, twenty minutes. Obviously, I’m worried about it. I mean, I’m missing Chem to wait out here and apologize to you. That’s how much of an asshole I’m not.” He rolled the sucker around in his mouth, from one cheek to the other, and back again. “Let me make it up to you, Brandi.”
    “You know my name.”
    “Everybody knows your name,” he laughed. “What’s mine?”
    “People call you Spider.”
    The boy took a step back, his jaw hanging open so far the sucker