The New Death and others Read Online Free

Fan-Fiction she still brought forth peals of malevolent
laughter, but in truth she felt no joy. She bought tumors and
pustules for the office's morning teas, where before she had baked
them at home. Even feeding the supermodels failed to cheer her.
    She began finding fault with the incubus,
speaking harshly to him from fear that she would betray her true
feelings. Yet her harshest words were reserved for those occasions,
all too common it seemed to Lilly, when the incubus was called upon
to go to the mortal realm to seduce a weak soul or reward some
lustful evil-doer.
    "Thy mustache is unevenly curled, so that the
left maketh two full revolutions more than the right," she would
say, or "that goatee maketh thee look like thou workest in a skate
shop." Always the incubus would respond with mildness and humility,
which tore Lilly's heart far deeper than angry words would have
done, for they made her feel weak and foolish.
    Things came to a head at the office's
annual party, just before the unholidays. It was the tradition to
have an office Secret Satan, where each employee would be given the
name of another, for whom they would have to buy a gift. The gift
had to be cheap--no more than 40 pieces of silver( 2 ). Everyone was included, even
the imps, though they were not permanent( 3 ). The incubus
drew Lilly's name. Most gave such gifts as bottles of white whine
(the cheaper blends of scaremongering and resentment), or for the
ladies perfume scented with soiled mattresses and the sour sweat of
despair. But the incubus gave the best gift of all. It was a desk
calendar, printed on creamy human skin, and featuring inspirational
quotes from such paragons of wickedness as Jack the Ripper, Tom
Cruise, and people who put comments on YouTube. Everything about it
said 'quality'-- even the typeface( 4 ).
    "D00d!" said the imp of the Ninth Deadly Sin,
"How d1d u f1nd that 1n budget :O ????" The incubus merely smiled
modestly. But Lilly scowled.
    "I like not this gift," she said
brusquely.
    Some hours later, the incubus approached
her.
    "O my manager," he said with head
humbly bowed, "I crave the honor of a private audience." They went
into a stairwell. Lilly swayed slightly, affected by strong
drink( 5 ), and perhaps by another
intoxication.
    "O tower of villainy," the incubus said,
politely sinking to one knee, "it is clear to me that my labors
pleaseth thee not. Yet I have striven with all my might to seduce
and corrupt. Yea, and more than once have I been rewarded with
commendations. Even Azrael, the Destruction of All Hope, the
Bringer of Unending Night, hath written in letters of black fire
that I am a credit to the team. Behold my letter of reference,
wherein he also writes 'I am sorry to hear that he is leaving us.
Indeed I will howl terrible blasphemies for a year and a day at
this doom which hath been laid upon the whole section. I have no
doubt that he will be a calamitous force for ruin in his new role.'
By the cloven hooves of Oprah, tell me how I may gain thy favor!"
All the while the incubus looked up at her with an expression of
such woe that she felt as guilty as if she had a soul. At the
conclusion of his speech, Lilly was moved beyond endurance.
    "O my minion," she cried, "Thou art the very
model of foulness. The fault is mine; for thy perfection hath moved
me beyond propriety, and into love."
    The incubus stood, and took her in his
arms.
    "I, too, have fallen in love," he said, with
a sincerity that could not be doubted.
    With all the slyness of their kind, the two
devils hid their affair. At work not so much as an improper look
passed between them, and there was neither heat nor coldness in
their speech. They would leave work separately, then meet later,
going by devious paths to avoid meeting anyone from the office.
Sometimes they would stay inside and watch TV; a comedy like Fiends or the game show Who Wants to Boil A
Millionaire? Often they would go to a McDonald's (the only
restaurant in Hell). There they would stare